JOCOLLA Music News

【【GROOVE ALERT ISSUED】When that bass drops, your hips don't lie! From Mdou Moctar's scorching hot split to Caroline Rose's wacky tunes, here are 5 latest music drops that will get you dancing right now!】 Hey hey hey! What's up, party people of the universe, and my fellow groove-addicted brothers and sisters who are constantly thinking about basslines and unable to get any work done?! It's time for Funky Dave Monroe to take over! I'll make a full confession. This morning on my commute, I subconsciously started busting out some wild steps to the beat in my headphones, and snapped back to reality when the salaryman next to me tapped my shoulder and said, "Um, excuse me, you're stepping on my foot..." Even while apologizing, I was muttering to myself inside, "Sorry, buddy, but nobody has the right to stop this 16-beat." That's how overflowing this week's music scene is with tracks that hit you right in the hips! Forget logic—I'm bringing you the absolute best, latest news that will make your body jump on its own, packed with love and funk! …

【A 50th-Anniversary "Whimsical Class Reunion"? The Night Lou Gramm and Al Greenwood Return to Foreigner】 Sitting at a dive bar counter, rattling cheap bourbon around in my glass, I sometimes find myself wondering: can a person really carry the same banner for half a century? Yet Foreigner, that veteran powerhouse of the rock world, apparently plans to pull it off. And what's more, they're dragging their former comrades back into the fold with them. ### A Half-Century Journey to the Ends of the Earth and a Miraculous Reunion …

【All death metal believers, start stretching your necks! Does Gorguts' long-awaited new album feature a massive fusion of madness across their entire career from Obscura to their early days?! Colin Marston spills the beans!】 Hey hey hey, headbangers of the world! Stop what you're doing right now and open your ears wide! I’m Johnny Thunderstone, that veteran rock idiot who spent too much time shoving his head against speakers in the front row of live houses, only to be looked at with pity by my ENT doctor the other day who said, "Your eardrums are way more exhausted than an average person's (bitter smile)." The moment I read this colossal news on my phone in the commuting train, I almost ripped off a strap and dove straight onto the luggage rack! Who cares about the cold stares of surrounding passengers?! Quebec's living legend, the titanic deity of technical death metal **Gorguts**—who has shaken our brains time and time again—is finally... finally making a move!! ### The Power Word "Elements of Every Album" Revealed by Colin Marston …

【Celebration of Return! Living Legend of 80s Funk & R&B Cherrelle Drops Her First New Song in Over a Decade, "This Time"! This Writer's Lower Back is Practically Shattered】 Hey, hey, hey! Funk addicts of all humanity, drop work and studying entirely for today and gather in front of your speakers!! Incident reported on the dance floor. That treasure of 80s R&B and Minneapolis funk, Cherrelle, is back! A megaton-level news flash has dropped that she has unleashed her first completely new song in over a decade, "This Time," and my right foot has been instinctively stomping out the off-beat on the floor ever since! ### The Queen of 80s Funk Descends! Remember the Golden Era with Jam & Lewis! …

【Why Can’t Men Escape the 12-Bar Quagmire? The Magic of 1960s Blues Rock Where Blasting Volume and Melancholy Intersect】 Late at night, pouring cheap Scotch into a glass, I drop the needle on a record. Leaking from the speakers is the roar of fully distorted fuzz and string bends that carve right into the soul. Let me make a confession. In this Reiwa era where society is neatly organized with sleek high-res audio and AI-crafted comfort playlists, I am once again tonight drowning in the amp-noise-soaked, gritty 12 bars, seriously daydreaming on my commute train about "maybe just quitting the company and grabbing a guitar in Texas" before reaching for my stomach medicine. It is the sad nature of a middle-aged man who refuses to fully grow up. Now, music media "Blues Rock Review" has put together a genuinely charming special feature. Titled "10 Unforgettable Blues Rock Songs of the 1960s," the article vividly looks back at why that tradition known as the blues evolved into a giant monster that shook the world during that era. …

【Don't Make Us Wait 23 Years, Zebra! From Ozzy's Love to a New ROTNS Track, 5 Scorching Metal-Head-Screaming News Items!】 Hey hey hey, turn that amp volume up to 11! I'm Johnny Thunderstone, the guy who shoved his head too close to the speaker in the front row of a live house and now only hears ringing that sounds like a hi-hat! Today's heaviness saturation level has already broken past the limit. So go ahead and soak in this barrage of frenzied metal and hard rock straight from around the globe! --- ### 23 Years? At that rate, a human has graduated college! Zebra is back! …

【Will the Sanctuary Unsealing Break Your Lower Back!? Groove Addicts Swoon as Branford Marsalis and Dianne Reeves Take on Coltrane’s Timeless Masterpiece Reinterpretation!】 Hey, hey, hey! Funky people of the universe, are you keeping your lower bodies moving to the 16-beat today too?! It’s Funky Dave Monroe, proud holder of the title "The Guy Whose Knees Snap Before Writing a Draft" for JOCOLLA Music News! Let me make a full confession. This morning, the exact moment I checked this news on a packed rush-hour train, my pelvis spontaneously started syncopating. While gripping the strap, I busted out a brilliant air-slap-bass performance, prompting the salaryman next to me to offer the entirely reasonable warning, "Um... your elbow is hitting me!" But you’ve got to forgive me—the runaway drive of music love is simply the destiny of a groove addict! Now, I’m about to drop the earth-shattering news that just wrecked my cervical vertebrae! Saxophone master Branford Marsalis has teamed up with vocalist of supreme elegance Dianne Reeves to drop their latest release, *Supreme Love*, a reimagining of the massive 1963 masterpiece *John Coltrane and Johnny Hartman*—and if that isn't a major incident, nothing is! …

【The punk pioneer playing gritty blues in leopard print — Cheetah Chrome's 1984 record of detours and heartache】 Cheap whiskey clinks softly against ice in a glass. When twilight hits and you find yourself in the mood for tunes, you don't want a freshly polished success story. You want the bittersweet footprints of guys who got caked in mud and sprinted full speed in completely the wrong direction. Today we're looking at an untold chapter starring Cheetah Chrome, famed guitarist of the legendary American punk band Dead Boys. The signature "Weirdo Wednesday" feature by US music media outlet Glide Magazine has unearthed a delightfully endearing, and slightly awkward, piece of live footage from 1984. It’s a record of the era when this guy, who left a permanent scar on the history of punk, inexplicably threw himself into the bluesy hard rock of the pre-glam metal days. …

【From Dani Filth's dangerously wild memoir to Abbath cancelling all shows! A thunderous roundup of turbulent metal news!】 Hey hey hey, are you turning your amp volume up to 11?! I'm Johnny Thunderstone, the guy who shoved his head a bit too close to the speaker in the front row of a live house and got asked with a completely straight face by the ENT doctor, "Are you doing construction work inside your ears, kid?" Opening my closet to find nothing but black band T-shirts (which, to make matters worse, all have tour dates printed on the back so I can't wear them to weddings or funerals) is just an everyday occurrence for me, but this week's metal world is serving up developments even more chaotic and fiercely passionate than that pitch-black wardrobe. Let's deliver the soul-shaking latest info all in one go! --- …

[The man carrying "Funk" in his name, fish narc, drops a new song "Big Dumb World"! Ride the wave of exquisite alternative pop that will make your lower back itch!] Hey everybody, how's it going!? As always, it's your groove-addicted man Funky Dave Monroe, the guy for whom even the typing sound of the keyboard writing this manuscript sounds like a 16-beat slap bass! Today, per usual, I was digging through music sources all over the world in search of a beat when an incredible guy dropped an exquisite track. His name is fish narc! Wait a minute, do you know his real name? It's none other than "Ben Funkhouser". "Funk" is right there in his name...!? A man practically guaranteed a groove on a genetic level has dropped yet another killer tune that won't let our feet stop! ### A gorgeous step from SoundCloud rapper to distorted guitar craftsman! …

[20 years later, that effortless laid-back groove is back! Old blues lovers are shaking their glasses night after night at the news that Eric Clapton & J.J. Cale's masterpiece "The Road to Escondido" is getting an expanded reissue] Pouring cheap bourbon into a glass late at night and listening to the ice clink, there are nights when you get an overwhelming yearning for company. Well, to be precise, it's that extremely selfish kind of night unique to single middle-aged men: "I can't be bothered dealing with actual people, but I want to bathe in the sound of someone plucking a guitar." Into that parched throat came news that acts like the ultimate, exquisite remedy. Word has it that "The Road to Escondido," the 2006 collaborative masterpiece by Eric Clapton and the late, legendary laid-back artisan J.J. Cale, will be released in November via Bushbranch/Surfdog Records as "The Road to Escondido: Enhanced Edition" to celebrate its 20th anniversary. Honestly, the moment I saw this news flash on my smartphone screen in my cramped living room, I let out an involuntary mutter of "Oh come on, you've got to be kidding..." and earned a cold stare from my pet cat. Twenty years ago, I still had a little bit of dark hair left and some baseless hope for the future. Time flies faster than a 12-bar blues, and it's enough to make you dizzy. …

[The guy who used to throw raw meat is unearthing history! The insane tour opener where W.A.S.P. even dug up ultra-rare tracks from their precursor band Sister, plus the latest earth-shaking news from the metal world] Oh man, oh man, the ringing in my ears won't stop! I’m Johnny Thunderstone, a rock idiot whose hearing range in his left ear has been completely obliterated from sticking his head right up against a Marshall amp in live houses! Today of all days, the inside of my washing machine is strictly black band T-shirts. Wearing faded black jeans while getting icy glares from my wife who says, "All your clothes look exactly the same," I'm headbanging to blast beats while hammering away at my keyboard! So, metalheads around the world, have you done your neck stretches? This week in the hard rock and heavy metal scene, big news that makes you want to shout at the top of your lungs and shocking news that makes you drop to your knees have hit at the exact same time. Crank your heart rate up to 200 BPM and try to keep up!…

[Hips Automatically Swinging Alert Issued! Funk Addicts Go Wild Over Jad Tariq's New Vintage R&B Track and Terri Green & Castella's Exquisite Al Jarreau Cover] Hey hey hey, all 30 million groove addicts across the country, how are you doing?! Still nodding your heads back and forth unconsciously to the bassline like cheerful folks today? It's your writer, Funky Dave Monroe! Let me confess honestly. This morning, right in the middle of a packed train, my hips started involuntarily laying down a 16-beat groove to the bass flowing from my earphones, earning me a look from the salaryman next to me that said, "Is this guy in the middle of some kind of ritual?" But I couldn't stop, and there was no way I was going to! Because right now, some top-notch soul and funky new tunes are violently shaking our souls! ### Memphis-Born Jad Tariq Strikes Back with Exploding Swing and Sex Appeal! First up, ready to get hyped, is news about the Memphis-based guitarist and vocalist Jad Tariq! His new song "Half Measures" has just premiered, and let me tell you, it is irresistible! It’s thrillingly like jump blues, swing-soaked R&B, and the flashy swagger unique to big bands are all having a massive brawl in a single room! …

【Are Top-Tier Cake and the Blues Baked at the Same Temperature? A Night My Soul Got Scorched by Jovin Webb's New Release 'Son Of A Sinner'】 Late at night, as the cheap whiskey in my glass melts its ice and waters down completely, there are sounds that make you desperately want to drop the needle. Yes, I'm talking about gritty, heated, authentic blues that blows away all pretentious overthinking. Tonight, what's rising around my beat-up turntable is the scent of the humid Louisiana breeze. Good news has just arrived, and a sigh slips past my loosened lips. Jovin Webb, the soul man born in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, has dropped his album 'Son Of A Sinner'. Isn't that just the best title? Putting up a sign like 'Son of a Sinner' so boldly that it makes you feel awkward about going to church on Sunday morning. ### "Supreme Sound" Baked with an Exquisite Recipe …

【The moment machines gained a heartbeat! Former FEAR FACTORY frontman Burton C. Bell passionately spills the beans on the "warmth" of the masterpiece 'Obsolete'! A massive U-turn from cold cyber to raw human emotion】 Hey there, hey there, hey there! How are you doing, all ten million of you industrial metal-addicted bastards out there?! I'm Johnny Thunderstone, the rock-obsessed writer whose right ear has a permanent high-pitched ringing from taking too many sonic blasts, and whose closet only contains black band tees! The moment I looked at the news feed on my smartphone during my morning commute, I almost ripped the strap handle right off and roared, "RIPLEEEEEEEY!!" Cold stares from the surrounding salarymen? Compared to the cold, merciless drum trigger sounds carved out by '90s FEAR FACTORY, that stuff is just like a gentle spring breeze! Now, onto the main event. Burton C. Bell, the cyber metal titan whose name is etched into metal history and former frontman of FEAR FACTORY, passionately spilled the beans on the behind-the-scenes creation of the band's timeless 1998 milestone album 'Obsolete' in an interview with web media 'Eonmusic'! …

【Your hips will step and won't stop dancing! RAYE jacks London with her real sister Amma & Absolutely?! A super euphoric groove "Joy." MV issues a dance floor emergency for all mankind!】 Hey there, you! Stop that boring clicking sound you're listening to right now and ride this beat with me! Groove addict Funky Dave Monroe is writing to you after using a train strap as a slap bass replacement for some air slap-bass practice on the rush hour train this morning, giving the salaryman next to me a cold sweat! Why did I commit such a huge blunder? There's only one reason. That RAYE dropped some insanely good, hip-shaking, top-tier vibes! …

【Warren Haynes Cooks Up a 16-Song, 2-Hour Symphonic Epic! Can Gritty Blues Guitar Actually Beat an Orchestra?】 How are we doing, blues junkies across the nation, who night after night sell their souls to a 12-bar progression while nursing cheap bourbon at some dive bar counter? It’s Memphis Ray here, turning sighs into cigarette smoke over the scratch noise of a dropped needle. Right out of the gate, I have to ask you all. When you hear the words "bluesman teams up with a full orchestra," what kind of scene pops into your head? Most boozers would probably picture "a stray dog in a tuxedo standing out there looking deeply uncomfortable" or "a guitar playing its solo way more politely than usual, totally drowned out by the graceful melodies of the string section." Same here. I firmly believed forcing a bluesman to wear a clip-on bow tie was about as ridiculous as making a tiger eat vegetarian food. Turns out, though, this guy was the exception to the rule. None other than Warren Haynes, the hardest-working man in modern American roots music.…

[Are your neck bones okay!? Your brain will be boiling over from "Nocturnal Hunger", the fierce new MV by Richmond, Virginia's toxic thrashers Vigil! Debut record dropping in October] Hey hey hey, rock heads whose left ears are permanently ringing with a sustained "E minor" note from front-row gig volumes! It's your boy Johnny Thunderstone! Earplugs? I left pathetic nonsense like that stuffed behind the amplifier! I'm diving headfirst into the speaker cab today to bring you some blood-pumping, heavy-hitting news, so crank that volume up to 11 and read on! Headbangers across the land, rejoice. Have you done your neck stretches yet? Deep out of the underground of Richmond, Virginia, modern thrash metal supernova **Vigil** have unleashed a music video for their new ravenous-beast of a track, "**Nocturnal Hunger**"! …

[Pelvises Automatically Drawing Circles?! The Pelvises of All Funk Lovers Are Screaming at the Irresistible, Transcendent Groove of Sex Week's New Song "Life Is A Circle"] Hey, how's it going, brothers and sisters! Before sitting down at the typewriter, I'm the kind of guy who lays down a four-on-the-floor beat with his knees, and whose reason logs out the moment a bassline drops. I'm Funky Dave Monroe! Listen up, there are only two kinds of music in this world. Music you listen to by cupping your ear and paying close attention, and music that automatically forces your hips to draw figure-eights and almost makes you destroy the office copy machine. And today, an ultra-heavy, mind-blowing emergency case that demands an assembly of all groove addicts has dropped straight out of the New York indie scene! It’s "Life Is A Circle," dropped by that indie duo Sex Week as their first new track of 2024! …

【Ringing 3 strings from the bottom of hell──Tears and whiskey won't stop for Seasick Steve's latest work "The Last Season of America"】 On a night when the evening breeze feels strangely cold, there’s nothing better than dropping a single ice cube into cheap bourbon and letting the needle down. Flowing from the speakers tonight, as if exhaling smoke, is Seasick Steve's latest work, "The Last Season of America." How are you all doing out there in front of your screens? I'm Memphis Ray, a guy spending his days in a corner of JOCOLLA Music News, counting his wearing cartilage and the time he has left in life. In the world of the blues, there are countless bastards carrying a "peculiar fate." From men who sold their souls to the devil to men who won pardons by singing in prison, there's quite a variety, but the way this man Seasick Steve lives is remarkably tough and madly beautiful. …

【Steel birds and pitch-black mist strike! Prepare to snap your neck with the autumn new release rush from Boguslaw Balcerak's Crylord & Urisk!】 Hey hey hey, have you finished stretching your neck!? Got enough earplugs in stock!? I'm Johnny Thunderstone, a rock idiot who headbangs in front of a Marshall wall every single night, to the point where even the spin cycle of my washing machine sounds like blast beats lately! Autumn? Autumn for reading? Autumn for appetite? Don't talk nonsense. For metalheads, autumn is obviously "the season to ruin your neck bones with new albums"! …

[Even Parkinson’s Can Make You Funk and Dance!? Why Incognito Leader Bluey’s Unconquerable Supreme Groove is Making Every Human’s Lower Back Tingle] Hey hey hey, party people across the galaxy, are you living to the beat!? It is I, Funky Dave Monroe—the man who suffers from respiratory arrest if there isn't enough groove! To be honest, reading today's news made your humble writer collapse face-down onto the floor in tears, only to immediately start dancing wildly in 16-beat time. My Funk heart is laying down a heavy backbeat thanks to some super-dreadnought news sent straight from living acid jazz legend and boss of Incognito, our very own brother Jean-Paul “Bluey” Maunick! …

[A Man Grinding Away His Soul in the Age of TikTok: Jovin Webb’s "Son of a Sinner" and the Gritty Blues Counterattack] Pouring cheap bourbon into a rocks glass and nursing a cigarette late at night. The social media algorithms of today are utterly cold to that kind of Showa-era, hard-boiled wannabe middle-aged guy. "Recommended dance videos"? You've got to be kidding me. My knee cartilage is so worn down I can't even break into a light jog. Into this superficial world comes news that hits the pit of your stomach like a lead weight. Jovin Webb, the rising singer of the moment, has appeared on "The Blues Rock Show," the flagship program of Blues Rock Review. He discussed the background of his new album, "Son of a Sinner," his journey from the audition show "American Idol" back to the mud-soaked swamps of the blues, and the struggles of being a musician in the social media era. …

【【Congrats on 50 Years of Metal!】Accept's Wolf Hoffman Spills on His "All-Time Favorite Riff"! Listeners of the World, Strengthen Your Necks and Stand By!】 Ringing ears are a badge of honor in rock 'n' roll! What's up everyone, it's Johnny Thunderstone here—the guy who cranked his Marshall volume up to "11" at 3 AM yesterday and got a full-force wall bang (with the relentless speed of a double-bass pedal) from the neighbor! Wolf Hoffman, the guitarist of Accept and a steel titan who has been carving up heavy metal history for a solid 50 years, just opened up about his "absolute favorite riff" from his legendary career! The second I saw this breaking news on my phone during my morning commute, I let out an involuntary "Hell yeah!" and got that classic "side-eye from a weirdo" look from the salaryman next to me. But hey, can you blame me? We're talking about Accept here, people! …

【Prepare to Have Your Hips Shattered by a Neil Young Cover Battle?! Brace Yourselves for the Massive Swells Unleashed by Modest Mouse and My Morning Jacket!】 Hey everybody, how are you doing?! It’s your boy Funky Dave Monroe! Still fighting off auditory hallucinations of basslines while turning city asphalt into your personal dance floor? Let me confess right off the bat. This morning, while standing in line at the local supermarket with nato and bananas in my basket, a 16-beat ghost note suddenly exploded inside my head. Before I knew it, I was subconsciously grinding my hips back and forth, left and right, when I locked eyes dead-on with the security guard behind me, who looked genuinely worried and asked, "Sir, are you okay?" Okay?! My soul was just screaming out for a groove, that's all! Straight from that very routine daily life right to funky ol' me came massive news from the indie rock world—big enough to require a few extra lumbar vertebrae. None other than living US indie legends **Modest Mouse** and stadium-sized, roaring psychedelic rockers **My Morning Jacket** have each dropped covers of that singular, solitary legend, **Neil Young**! …

【Completely Left to Its Own Devices?! The Ultimate Cool Distance of a Blues Master at The Bob Dylan Center Looming Large in Oklahoma】 Every time a cheap ice cube in a cheap glass of whiskey clinks against the bottom, I count the remaining bars of my life and let out a deep sigh. Melancholy? Nah, just a hangover and acid reflux. But news that blows away that kind of petty, ordinary mortal gloom has just arrived on the dry winds of Oklahoma. I’m talking about "The Bob Dylan Center," the massive sanctuary dedicated to that living legend, Bob Dylan. ### A Refreshingly Hands-Off Aesthetic: The Star Himself is Totally Uninvolved …

【"Are KISS fans in a way crazier than The Beatles?!" Mötley Crüe's John 5 passionately argues! From upstarts Cascade Effect's lightning-fast signing to Night In Gales' 10th album, the fires of metal refuse to go out this week either!】 My ears won't stop ringing. Because I went and stuck my head right in front of Marshall's wall of sound in the front row of the live house last night, there's a permanent background music in my ears called "eeeeee." But hey, super-sized news has come crashing in one after another to blow that ringing right away! Headbangers across the country who love rock and metal so much that their closets are packed with pitch-black band tees (90% of which are faded with stretched-out collars), are you ready? Once again, yours truly, Johnny Thunderstone, is here to deliver a cry from the soul! --- …

【Hips Can't Stop! From Haruomi Hosono to a Neil Young Tribute, This Week's Heavyweight Groove Encirclement Shaking the World!】 Hey, 10 million beat addicts nationwide! How are you gracefully shaking your hips on the upbeat of beat one today?! It’s your writer, Funky Dave Monroe! Let me confess the honest truth. This morning, mental funk sparked right in the middle of a packed commuter train, and just as I was using a hanging strap as a slap bass and moving my thumb vigorously up and down, the salaryman next to me gave me a trembling notification saying, "Um... your elbow is hitting me." But I can't stop! Because this week's music world is overflowing with intense news that makes you naturally start stepping! Open your ears wide, crank the bass knob on your speakers all the way to the right, and give a listen! …

【From the Muddy Waters Mural to Soldier Field! The Gritty Love Behind Chicago Bluesman's Killer Football Anthem "We Love Da Bears"】 Pouring cheap bourbon into a glass in the middle of the night, every time an ice cube clinks, my weary heart starts beating in a 12-bar rhythm. Hello there, I'm Memphis Ray, a guy who just can't escape the curse of the blues every single night. People tend to think the blues is a genre exclusively about life's pitfalls—"my baby left me," "there's a hole at the bottom of my pocket," "even my dog ignored me when I woke up this morning." Truth is, my daily life is pretty much like that; just last week, I dropped some coins under a vending machine, got my arm stuck, and seriously felt like crying out like a slide guitar. But hey, the folks back in the birthplace of the blues, Chicago, aren't just sitting around weeping. Sometimes, they slam an unbelievable amount of eager enthusiasm right into their guitars. Today, I want to talk about Brant Buckley, a Chicago blues musician and contributor to American Blues Scene. The music video he dropped for "We Love Da Bears" has been turning heads locally in Chicago, closing in on a cool 18,000 views. …

【【BLAST-VOLUME BREAKING NEWS】Why the Lineup for ProgPower USA 2027 Is Way Too Hype! Is the New PRIMUS Drummer a 1-in-6,100 Superhuman?! A Torrent of News from the HR/HM Scene】 What's up, metalheads! I'm Johnny Thunderstone, self-proclaimed number-one ear-abusing rock nerd who dreams of tossing and turning in front of a wall of Marshalls every night only to wake up with ringing ears! Out of nowhere, I want you all to take a look in your closets. My dresser is 95% filled with black band T-shirts, and the other day I almost accidentally wore my Judas Priest "Screaming for Vengeance" shirt to a relative's memorial service. I almost got Painkiller'd right there by my own family! While living this high-stakes, everyday life, brain-rattling news has been coming at us from all over the world like an avalanche. Turn your amp volume up to 11 and read on! …

【From Smashing Hardcore Walls to Exquisite Pop's Bittersweet Steps! This Week's Fire New Releases Reviewed by a Groove Addict】 Hey party people! You breathing? Moving those hips with some funk!? It’s Funky Dave Monroe, JOCOLLA Music News’ resident baseline junkie, coming at you! Let’s be honest. This morning, right in the middle of a packed rush-hour train, the breakdown coming through my earphones made me unconsciously bust out some air slap-bass, earning me a pitying look from the salaryman next to me that said, "What on earth is this guy fighting at 8 AM?" But hey, don't sweat it! If your hips start moving, that's nothing less than a blessing from the sacred beat! Looking over the latest news this week, a crazy wave of sound is crashing down, effortlessly leaping across genre lines—from hardcore, punk, shoegaze, and UK pop to the intense attitude of an overseas rapper—to send our pulses racing. My antenna, finely tuned to sniff out the groove living in every beat, is going wild, so I'm gonna drop these sizzling topics right onto the floor, non-stop! …

【The Guitar Goddess Returns to the Nightmare in Las Vegas! Alice Cooper and Nita Strauss Serve Up a Slice of Hard-Rock Old-Man Resilience That's Thicker Than the Blues】 There are nights when I pour myself a cheap glass of bourbon, listen to the ice clink against the glass, and think to myself: "Hey, when on earth is the rock nightmare we used to love finally going to wake us up?" Rest easy, though. Apparently, in this world, there are unflagging monsters who refuse to dry up and age gracefully, dragging themselves out of the graveyard time and time again. That’s right—shock-rock legend Alice Cooper, still going strong at over 70 years old, has announced that he will be welcoming virtuoso guitarist Nita Strauss back into the band for his upcoming autumn Las Vegas show, "Welcome to Our Nightmare." …

【The Emperor of Evil descends on the Holy Land of Emo!? King Diamond "knights" My Chemical Romance and they scream together on the classic track "Mama"!】 Hey, hey, hey, clean out your ears and listen up!! The moment I woke up and checked my phone's timeline this morning, I spat out my intensely bitter black coffee right onto my amp. As a writer (Johnny Thunderstone) whose default state is having ringing ears from sticking his head a little too close to the wall of Marshalls at the very front of the venue, even this news sent a jolt of electricity deep inside my eardrums. The absolute cult hero of the heavy metal world, that Emperor of Corpse Paint, **King Diamond**, descended onto the stage of **My Chemical Romance**...!? …

【【Excavated Groove】A Philly hidden treasure that will knock you off your feet! Drown in the ultimate waves of soul and funk unleashed by The Futures!】 Hey party people! Are you out there shaking your hips and feeling good today!? I'm Funky Dave Monroe, the groove addiction specialist for JOCOLLA Music News! Out of nowhere, let me make a confession. This morning in a packed commuter train, I inadvertently busted out some fancy steps while holding onto a strap, moving to a Philly soul bassline leaking from my earphones. I got showered with cold glares from surrounding passengers thinking, "What is this guy doing during the morning rush hour?", but I have no regrets. Because where funk and soul are playing, the universe's ultimate truth is that your pelvis moves before the law! Just now, staggering with joy and doing a celebratory dance while clutching my head, some huge news (or rather, info on unearthing a buried masterpiece!) has flown in. The overseas media outlet "Soul Tracks" has shone a spotlight on a masterpiece by The Futures, Philadelphia's under-the-radar powerhouse vocal group! …

【The Festival Whose Beach Was Washed Away, and the Whim of the Blues God—Santa Monica’s Ordeal That Even Jack White Wept Over】 There are nights when, swirling a glass of cheap whiskey, I can't help but think: life is just like the moment you carefully restring your guitar and get the tuning utterly perfect, only for the high E string to *snap*. Precisely such a calamity—one that could only be the work of the blues god winking maliciously—struck Santa Monica, a place that was supposed to be bathed in West Coast sunshine. The "Ocean Way Festival," grandly slated to feature Jack White, The Killers, and Olivia Dean, was forced to cancel due to the unprecedented reason that "the beach was eroded by waves and vanished." ### The Beach Disappeared Before the Guitars Could Roar …

[Giant Mammoth x Full-Color Roar! Why Headbanging Won't Stop After Baroness's John Baizley Suddenly Joins Mastodon's Fall Tour] Tinnitus is the badge of honor of rock 'n' roll! What's up, I'm Johnny Thunderstone, a writer who has been suffering from the chronic illness of opening my home closet and finding only black band tees for a quarter of a century! Hey hey hey, take off your earplugs right now (no, wait, keep them on securely for blast-volume protection) and listen to this. While scrolling on my smartphone while gripping a strap on the commuter train, I was about to let out a deep, guttural roar that would have left the surrounding passengers in the dust. Incredible news has just dropped that John Baizley, the frontman of Baroness, is making an emergency entry into the live lineup for the fall tour of Atlanta's homegrown behemoths, Mastodon! Heavy rock's biggest stars merging together?! To put this combination into perspective, it's the heaviness equivalent of dumping a katsu curry onto a ramen bowl with all the toppings at a Jiro-style ramen shop. Another page of deafening noise is about to be carved into the history of sludge and progressive metal! …

[Turnstile Comes to Five Guys?! The Truth Behind the "Where's the Veggie Burger?" Incident That's Making Groove Fanatics Shake Their Hips] Leaping right off the lined manuscript paper, this bassline is coming straight for your hips! Hey everyone, I'm Funky Dave Monroe—a writer possessed by the ghost of funk who loves offbeats more than three square meals a day! Heavy riffs, a punch-you-in-the-chest beat, and that supreme bouncing groove that forces anyone who hears it to start stepping on the dancefloor. That's right, the modern era's ultimate groove monsters disguised as a hardcore band, Turnstile, have just dropped some seriously juicy news! It turns out that the legendary US diner-style burger chain Five Guys has chosen them as a Featured Artist. But here's the real kicker: the parting shot they dropped in the social media comments section was so brilliantly hilarious that this writer had to stop his working background music just to burst out laughing! …

【The Miracle Etched by the "Beard" Without a Beard—Warren Haynes Reveals Why ZZ Top Drummer Frank Beard Was "Perfect"】 Drop an ice cube into a glass of cheap whiskey, and place a dusty Texas record on the turntable. Lower the needle, and a humid shuffle takes over the room. There are three things in life you simply cannot escape: taxes, a steadily growing number of gray hairs, and the one-and-only groove of ZZ Top. On August 17, 2026, the rock world lost an irreplaceable heartbeat. It was the sad news of the passing of Frank Beard, the drummer who held down ZZ Top's rhythm for over half a century. While the world was enveloped in a sense of loss, living legend of American roots music and guitarist Warren Haynes opened up about his deep fondness for him on the podcast Blues Rock Show. "Ever since I discovered their music when I was 12 years old, I've been a huge ZZ Top fan," Haynes shared. He's well aware that Billy Gibbons' earthy yet sharp guitar and the late Dusty Hill's growling bass and vocals are the band's calling cards. But Haynes asserts that the presence of Frank Beard was what truly made the trio a powerhouse. …

【【SCANDAL】If Maynard hadn't taught Drop D, Rager's masterpiece wouldn't exist!? The intersection of sub-bass metal and Sabbath's stubborn old man】 My ears won't stop ringing. Yesterday's blast of sound was so brutal my eardrums are still screaming, but then some mind-blowing news drops that instantly turns even this ringing into a sweet background track! Hey all you rock guitarists, go down-tune the 6th string of your guitar by a whole step right now! Turns out that innovative riff master Tom Morello of Rage Against The Machine confessed that he learned his signature "Drop D tuning" directly from Tool's charismatic frontman, Maynard James Keenan. …

[Your waist will automatically start doing 80s steps! Celebrate and dance like crazy for the legendary "megaton voice" Ali Ollie Woodson, who saved The Temptations from their dark ages!] Hey hey hey, all 30 million funk addicts across the country! How's it going, are you still eating plain white rice fueled by basslines? It's your funky & groovy man, Funky Dave Monroe—the kind of guy who hears even the keystrokes on his keyboard clicking away like a 16-beat snare! Out of nowhere, a question. Have you ever experienced a moment where "the vocals were so thick and massive, the elastic in your sweatpants snapped the instant you heard them?" Let me confess the honest truth. Yesterday, while crammed on a rush-hour train, I took a blast of Ali Ollie Woodson's vocals straight through my earphones, and before I knew it, I was nearly breaking out into a full snake dance while clinging to a strap. The cold stares from the salaryman next to me? Non-stop—no way, brushing off stuff like that with delay effects is the true funk way. …

[Did a Sweet Disco Classic Transform into Muddy-Water Blues? The Night Cheap Whiskey Flows Because of Eddie 9V's New Single "Rock Your Baby"] The angular ice in a glass of cheap bourbon clinks in the dead of night. With a sidelong glance of worry for the antacids in the drawer, I was searching for a record to drop the needle on when some incredible news flew into my ears. Atlanta’s own young soul guitar slinger, Eddie 9V, had just dropped a new single covering George McCrae’s massive 1974 hit, "Rock Your Baby." I nearly dropped my glass, and in a frantic attempt to catch it with my knee, I thoroughly walloped my thigh. There is nothing quite as tragic as a man in his fifties writhing in agony alone in the middle of the night, but this was a shock fierce enough to blow even that pain away. …

【【EMERGENCY】CANDLEMASS Heavyweight Vocalist Hospitalized, But the Show Must Go On! & Don't Miss Danny Worsnop's Soulful Roar!】 Can't stop your ears from ringing? Bring it on, that's the proof we're alive! Headbangers across the nation, are you making your cervical vertebrae scream today too?! I'm Johnny Thunderstone, the blasting shock trooper of JOCOLLA Music News! Instead of a morning alarm, I blast Black Sabbath's heavy low-end riffs, and last week I finally received a handwritten polite note from my next-door neighbor saying, "Could you at least turn down the bass knob?" Today I'm slamming that burning metal soul right into my keyboard to bring you this update! Now, what just dropped is a stomach-shrinking emergency mixed with a rapid-fire succession of hot news that'll make you pump your fists. Read it with your heart braced! …

[Hips automatically walking the catwalk! Lion Babe drops top-tier dance tune "Fashion Week" with producer Never Dull, leaving dancefloors on the brink of explosion tonight!] Hey hey hey! Groove addicts across the nation, living and breathing on that beat today?! It's your boy Funky Dave Monroe, the man whose hips start bustin' out an 8-beat before he even picks up a pen! Out of nowhere, but let me apologize. This morning, the second I walked through the automatic doors of my local convenience store while listening to this new track, I unconsciously struck a razor-sharp model pose. The cashier just stared at me with that classic look of total bewilderment, asking, "......Would you like that heated up?" But I have no regrets. Because my soul just started dancing on its own! That's right, the heavyweight party tune we're introducing this time is the latest track "Fashion Week" by New York's ultimate stylish duo, Lion Babe! …

【Cure a Sour Stomach with Slide Guitar? New Tracks from Eddie 9V and Sonny Landreth, and Warren Haynes' Grand Scheme】 The autumn night air has gotten noticeably chilly. As I slowly sip cheap bourbon and stare into the grooves of a worn-out record, a thought crosses my mind: "Why do bluesmen make their guitars wail so intensely?" The strings cry out before a human even sheds a tear. Left by a woman, wallet empty, back pain getting progressively worse. No wonder they can't escape the cage of those 12 bars for the rest of their lives. But right into our everyday lives, soaked in such sorrow, comes some irresistible good news from Blues Rock Review. The lineup featured in this week's "Blues Rock Weekly" is remarkably rich and flavorful. Word has it that Eddie 9V and Sonny Landreth have each dropped new tracks. And if that wasn't enough, heavy-hitting guitarist Warren Haynes—one whose name silences even crying children—has apparently been talking about his own upcoming symphonic album. …

【[Bad News] Fired Despite Writing a Mega-Hit?! The Brutal Rock Tale of the "Too Popular Guy" Revealed by Legendary Drummer Carmine Appice】 Hey, hey, hey, headbangers across the nation! Still ringing your ears in front of a Marshall amp today?! It’s me, your writer Johnny Thunderstone! Having your tinnitus ring in B minor is just a standard feature, so don’t worry about it! Now, being a drummer is a perpetually unappreciated gig. You show up to the rehearsal studio before anyone else, set up the drum kit, sweat buckets as you snap drumsticks like firewood, and after rehearsal, you’re the last one cleaning up. Yet, at the post-gig wrap party, all the squealing adoration goes to the vocalist who’s constantly fussing over his bangs, or the guitarist who lines up 30 effector pedals on the floor and whines, "My distortion isn't cutting through today because of the weather..." I still remember the night back in the day when I picked up a drummer's dropped stick, only for a fan to ask, "Are you a roadie?" and chugged a beer in tears. But! There was a man who shattered the hierarchy of the drumming world. He is a super-legend who carved his name into hard rock and heavy metal history: Carmine Appice! …

【Your hips will automatically hit the snare! Quavo and Pharrell Williams' ultimate tag-team album 'Qrömelife' finally has a countdown to birth!】 Hey hey hey! What's up, groove addicts across the universe!? It's your JOCOLLA Music News funk attack captain, Funky Dave Monroe! Close that Excel sheet you're working on right now! Stop typing on your PC keyboard and at least lay down an 8-beat right there on the spot. An insane, oversized funk bomb has just been dropped! That's right, Quavo from Migos has officially announced the release of his new album 'Qrömelife', entirely produced by the battle-hardened groove wizard Pharrell Williams! ### Honestly, the author almost looked like a weirdo for shaking his hips too hard on his commute train …

【Does Playing in the Dirt Share Roots with the Blues? The Rich Depth of Maya de Vitry’s "All My Faith" Delivered from Sweltering Nashville】 The ice in a glass of cheap whiskey clinks and melts away. Facing the night breeze, a thought crosses my mind: "Where did I water the wrong seed in my life?" Hello there, I'm Memphis Ray, the resident weary-writer for JOCOLLA Music News. Are you soaking deep in the melancholy of life and the 12-bar mud pit tonight as well? Well, the artist I want to feature this time is Maya de Vitry, a former member of The Stray Birds who is now carving out a solid path as a solo roots music singer-songwriter. Reading her interview with the U.S. media outlet American Blues Scene almost made me spit out my rocks glass. …

【【A Feast of Darkness and the Open Sea】Devil Master Surprise-Announces Fall North American Tour! Plus, Visions of Atlantis Invade the World's Biggest Metal Cruise, "70000 Tons Of Metal"!】 Hey, hey, hey, headbangers of the world! Are your ears ringing like they should?! What's up, it's Johnny Thunderstone, the loud-noise commando here at JOCOLLA Music News! As a result of shoving my head right against a Marshall cabinet in the front row of live houses, my hearing is pretty much 100% fuzz in the high frequencies. Just last night, while I was greedily blasting guitar riffs in the middle of the night, I got a furious "wall-bang" from the neighbor like I'd killed their parents! But hey, that angry beat was literally the rhythm of a 220 BPM double-bass pedal, so I almost started air-drumming along and nearly got the cops called on me. I regret nothing, though I might reflect on it! Anyway, who cares about my crazy daily life? Tonight, too, some blistering hot news designed to snap your neck right off has dropped from the heavy metal world!…

【The Man Who Created the Dawn of Explosive Funk! Early The Gap Band Member Ray D. Rowe Departs for Heaven at 90—Sending Love to the Groove That Never Stops】 Hey everybody! It's your groove-addicted party person, Funky Dave Monroe! This morning, as I was soaking in some funk on my usual packed commuter train, I was grinding my hips so hard to the baseline without realizing it that the salaryman next to me gave me a cold, double-take look and said, "Um, you're bumping into me..." But hey, once the 16-beat is lodged in your hips, nobody can stop it! ...Or at least, that's the usual high-energy pitch I'd love to drop, but some news has flown in from Tulsa, Oklahoma, that'll tighten the chest of every funk head out there. …

【When a Disco Monument is Drenched in Mud, the Finest Southern Soul is Born—Eddie 9V Unleashes a Roar Full of Duane Allman’s Spirit on "Rock Your Baby"】 In the silence of the deep night, an ice cube clinks against cheap whiskey. Pulling something out from the back of the record shelf at this hour—should it be a dusty disco single, or something soaked in the smell of mud, Southern Soul? Tonight, we’ve received news so exhilarating it feels like taking both of those things, skipping the compromise, and drinking them straight down with a shot of bourbon. Atlanta-born blues prodigy Eddie 9V. This man has dropped an absolute bomb. He has taken "Rock Your Baby"—the sweet, melting disco anthem by George McCrae that topped the US and UK charts in 1974—and completely dismantled and rebuilt it into a gritty slab of Southern Soul and blues. …

【Take out your earplugs and feast on the blast! Absolute Power drops an explosive new video, plus terrifying new dispatches from the Dutch dark realm by Cirith Gorgor and Fluisteraars!】 Hey hey hey, headbangers across the land! Still shaking your neckbones with a smile today?! Can't stop the ringing in your ears? Excellent, that's proof the god of rock is whispering right in your ear! My own ears—thanks to spending years planted right at the front of live houses shoving my head into Marshall cabinets—have cicadas buzzing away in them 24/7/365, courtesy of yours truly, writer Johnny Thunderstone! Now, my home closet is 98% packed with black band tees, leaving your trusty writer completely stranded without a single proper outfit for the occasional family gathering. But wave goodbye to worries like that, because red-hot news straight from the underground labyrinth has just come crashing in! From the traditional heavy metal soul-stirring new lyric video by Absolute Power, all the way to the latest intel on Dutch dark clouds Cirith Gorgor and Fluisteraars, we're bringing you a relentless triple-threat! Crank that volume knob all the way to the right and listen up sitting seiza-style right in front of your speakers!!…

【Hips swaying to the beat on their own! Victoria Monét drops thick new track "Juicy" & John Legend teams up with Pharrell Williams! Major autumn groove storm warning in effect】 Hey hey hey, all you funk fanatics, are you still breathing?! It's your writer, Funky Dave Monroe! This morning, the second I blasted a slap-bass-heavy track instead of my usual alarm, my pelvis spontaneously started zigzagging left and right, sending me spilling a cup of freshly brewed hot coffee all over my desk. My white shirt is dyed a lovely shade of café au lait, but that's totally fine. Because a much hotter, juicer big wave of groove is crashing down upon us right now! Funk addicts, brace yourselves and read on. Today I'm serving up top-tier news so good it'll drag even the most stubborn adults with lower back pain straight back to the dance floor! …

【A Quarter Century of Bob Dylan's Love and Theft: Listen to Withered Blues on a Night When Cheap Whisky Ice Melts】 Every time the melting ice clinks in the glass, the author’s stomach lining lets out a tiny scream. You can't fight the advancing years, but this sound and the 12-bar blues are the two things I just can't give up. Spinning on the turntable tonight is Bob Dylan's miraculous roots music tapestry, Love and Theft. Before you know it, a quarter of a century—25 long years—has slipped by since its release. A quarter of a century is enough time for a newborn baby to be thoroughly battered by the rough seas of society and start grumbling at an izakaya. My own hair has receded quite a bit in that span, but the glossy, matured richness of this album hasn't faded by a single millimeter. ### September 11, 2001: "Gritty Rebirth" Delivered on a Day of Upheaval …

【爆音警報発令！Suicide Silenceが放つ新曲『Graceless』とLinkin Park映画からの超熱狂「Faint」ライブ映像に全ヘドバン狂が泣いた！】 おいおいおい、耳栓のストックは足りてるか！？ ライブハウスの最前列でスピーカーに頭を突っ込みすぎて耳鼻科の常連と化しているロック馬鹿、Johnny Thunderstoneだ！ 今日も今日とて洗濯機から出てくる服の98％が黒いバンドTシャツという漆黒の日常を送るオレの元に、鼓膜をぶち破る勢いの超ド級ニュースがドカンと届いたぞ。メタルヘッズもポストハードコアキッズも、今すぐデスクを叩き割る準備をして聞いてくれ！ --- …

[Are your hips ready!? Stevie Wonder drops a surprise announcement for the landmark Songs In The Key Of Life 50th anniversary tour!] Hey everybody, you still breathing out there!? It’s Funky Dave Monroe, the man who inhales the groove and exhales sixteenth notes instead of carbon dioxide! Right at this very second, every single cell in my body is playing crazy clavinet sounds. Why? Because the greatest treasure in human history carved into music history, the one and only Stevie Wonder, just announced that he's hitting the road this fall for the "Songs In The Key Of Life Performances 50th Anniversary Tour" to celebrate the 50th anniversary of his historic masterpiece Songs In The Key Of Life!! Hold on a second, 50 years!? Half a century we're talking about! How on earth is that funky groove not fading even a single millimeter after 50 years!? …

【You can never escape the curse of the 12-bar—the irresistible, earthy temptation unleashed by the latest issue 398 of British blues magazine 'Blues & Rhythm'】 Tilting a glass of cheap whiskey in the dead of night, I sometimes wonder. Why is it that we blues lovers get our guts so hooked on dusty records from over half a century ago, or tales of long-forgotten indie labels? If you're a wholesome pop enthusiast who gets the jitters unless you're listening to the latest chart hits, you'd better turn back right now. Beyond this point lies a danger zone where, the moment you step foot inside, you'll never escape the 3-chord quagmire for the rest of your life. Britain's premier, hardcore roots music magazine, 'Blues & Rhythm', has just dropped its eagerly awaited latest edition, "Issue 398". Just gazing at the cover feels like it's wafting the exact same smell as the musty record shelf in my living room. …

【The Legend of the Blasting Desert Returns! All Heavy Rock Maniacs Headbang with Joy at the 10th Anniversary Re-release of the Masterpiece Documentary 'Desert Age'!】 Hey, hey, hey, headbangers across the US and the globe whose ears won't stop ringing! How are you doing?! Every single one of you has surely had the experience of forgetting your earplugs, planting yourself right in front of the amp, and being able to hear only low frequencies for about three days. Me? I'm Johnny Thunderstone, a rock idiot so far gone I can tune my guitar using the frequency of my tinnitus! Today, while smashing my head against a wall of Marshall amps, I'm bringing you some super-duper heartwarming news. The legendary documentary film 'Desert Age: A Rock and Roll Scene History', caked in desert dust and heavy bass fuzz, has officially been decided for a re-release on November 20, 2026, to celebrate its 10th anniversary! Scream! And crank that Big Muff knob in your room all the way to the right!…

[Your right hand naturally laying down a 16-beat! Nile Rodgers teams up with Venezuelan pop duo LAGOS for an explosive late-night groove drop!] How’s it going, funk addicts, disco maniacs, and all you beloved party people out there across the country who catch the whites of their eyes and start stepping the moment a four-on-the-floor beat drops, brothers and sisters?! It’s your writer, Funky Dave Monroe! The moment I laid eyes on the news this morning, my right wrist started aggressively moving up and down. Yep, it began carving through the air in search of the essence of rhythm guitar, like it had just met its long-lost twin. That’s right—none other than the head honcho of Chic, the living legend who has sprinkled his funk magic on countless historical masterpiece albums, **Nile Rodgers**, has deeply teamed up with the Venezuelan pop duo **LAGOS**! That’s it from the field… nah, the real show starts right here! Get comfortable (well, ideally stand up and start stepping while you listen)! …

[Warren Haynes Invades with the Blues Against a 64-Piece Orchestra!? The Master of Soulful Sorrow Talks a New Frontier of "Improvisation and Roaring Sound"] At a perch in the deep of night, the ice in a cheap glass of whiskey makes a clinking sound. Gazing intently into the glass, a man thinks: "Life doesn't always go the way you want, but as long as you've got the pentatonic scale, you'll somehow get by." But what if a "64-piece full orchestra" was waiting right behind him? The moment you bungle a single-note string bend, 64 pairs of chilly glares would pierce your back... Just imagining it made the writer break out in a cold sweat on the commuter train and want to get off at the next stop. Yet, there is a man who pulls off such a terrifying blunder—no, such a sublime challenge—with a smile. None other than Warren Haynes, the undisputed titan of Southern rock and blues rock. …

【【TEAR-JERKER】Soundgarden makes a miraculous reunion, unleashing a sonic blast at the NFL halftime show with Taylor Momsen & Mike McCready!】 Hey hey hey, calling all grunge and hard rock addicts! Crank your amp volume up to 11 right now! As a writer (Johnny Thunderstone) whose default state is a mild case of tinnitus and whose closet contains nothing but black band tees, the moment I laid eyes on this news on my smartphone, I let out a literal battle cry of "WOOOOOOO!" on my commuter train and got hardcore double-takes from the salaryman sitting next to me. That's how massive this event is! Against all odds, the surviving members of those Seattle legends **Soundgarden** stepped back onto the stage and whipped up a roaring cyclone of grunge! …

[Spontaneous Waist-Swinging Alert Issued! Lalah Hathaway Drops Supreme Single "Can’t Let Go" & New Album "Made In Chicago" Sends All Soul Addicts into a Frenzy!] Hey hey hey, party people! Is your heart getting a bass-driven massage?! It’s your boy Funky Dave Monroe!! My fingers are already tapping the keyboard at a 16-beat rhythm so hard they’re about to start dancing completely ignoring the grid of the manuscript paper. Calm down, me. No, there's no way I can stay calm! Because that one and only soul/funk queen, senior Lalah Hathaway, just dropped an outrageously mellow and sweet bomb!! ### Reigniting the Flame of Past Love? "Can’t Let Go" Melts Your Ears! …

【The slide guitar wizard Sonny Landreth is back! A night when the new song "Lady On The Rise" shook an old man's soul and stomach】 Tonight I was once again pouring cheap whiskey into a glass and blankly gazing at a stain on the ceiling. Long past the halfway mark of life, the only time my heart rate spikes is when I open a health checkup re-examination notice. But news that pierced the chest of this dried-up old guy for the first time in a while arrived all the way from Louisiana. That slide guitar wizard, Sonny Landreth, has just dropped a new song called "Lady On The Rise." It almost made me spit the 80-proof alcohol I'd just taken into my mouth right onto my PC keyboard. ### You Want Me to Wait Until 2027? The Beginning of a Delightful Torture …

[Hey NBC, What the Hell?! Grunge Maniacs Across the US Furious as Soundgarden × Taylor Momsen Surprise NFL Halftime Show Gets Bypassed on Broadcast!] Oh man, oh man, oh man, my ears won't stop ringing! It’s Johnny Thunderstone here, headbanging so hard in front of my amp that the cartilage in my cervical spine is about to vanish! I'm a hardcore rock idiot whose closet is packed exclusively with black band tees, and who just last week cranked his Marshall up to "11" at home, prompting the neighbor next door to start battering the shared wall with a frying pan! Rock heads of America—nay, the entire world—put down your energy drinks and fried chicken right now and listen up. This is an emergency. A super-grade emergency has just gone down! Get this: Seattle's very own legendary grunge titans **Soundgarden** teamed up with The Pretty Reckless frontwoman and modern rock 'n' roll queen **Taylor Momsen** on vocals for a surprise reunion during the NFL halftime show! …

【Hips Swinging Warning: Michael Franks and Valerie Simpson's Exquisite Collab "Now Love Has No End" Pierces the Funk Soul Across Space and Time】 Hey hey hey, groove addicts of the world, unlock those stiff pelvises right now! It's Funky Dave Monroe, and my fingers are already bouncing like crazy on the upbeat as I type this! The "Lost Gem" section of the music media outlet Soul Tracks has dug up another unbelievable treasure. They've featured "Now Love Has No End," a miraculous duet by Michael Franks, one of the coolest guys in jazz/AOR, and Valerie Simpson, the soul queen who shook up the '70s and '80s soul and funk scenes as part of Ashford & Simpson and crafted countless Motown masterpieces! I'll make a full confession. This morning, I found myself listening to this track on a packed commuter train, and before I knew it, my left shoulder was swaying and I was about to bust out some fierce upbeat steps. The salaryman next to me gave me a chilly look that screamed, "What on earth is this guy fighting at 8:00 AM?", but there's no time to worry about that. Because the groove is calling me!…

【Midnight Cheap Booze and the Conspiracy of Groaning Strings: The Soul-Stripping Magic of the Double Album Unleashed by Jim Jarmusch and Jozef van Wissem】 2 a.m., when the ice in a glass of cheap whiskey melts with a clink and a sigh blends into cigarette smoke. The men who know best in this world what kind of music should be played at such an hour have returned once more. Jim Jarmusch: film director, incomparable audio maniac, and wielder of flowing silver hair. And Jozef van Wissem: the peerless lute player born in the Netherlands. These battle-hardened veterans have dropped an absolute bombshell via Sacred Bones, the conscience of the indie world. They are simultaneously releasing a paired double album titled 'Bocca di Lupo' and 'Mouth of the Wolf' on November 6. Furthermore, they’ve unleashed a new single as a pre-release, "Never Like You Said," featuring Australian treasure Courtney Barnett. Let’s confess the truth. The moment this news caught my eye, I spilled a generous amount of the whiskey I was drinking in my late-night room right onto my lap. My favorite vintage flannel shirt is now soaked in the smell of alcohol, but even that sorrow starts to feel like the opening bar of a blues song—truly, the magic of music is a scary thing. …

[Even if you had ten necks, it still wouldn't be enough! Snot and Bleeding Through collide in California! Total moshers in tears guaranteed as two frenzied shows are announced] My ears won't stop ringing! Well, going to live houses all the time has messed up my hearing for the last 20 years, but the second I saw this news, my internal brain amp started screaming with high-pitched feedback all at once! Believe it or not, that very Snot and Bleeding Through, plus Breaking In A Sequence and Saltwound—a brutally lethal lineup practically begging to put people through a meat grinder in the mosh pit—have announced they're playing two shows in California! Whoa, whoa, are the tectonic plates in California gonna be okay? Is the West Coast gonna sink into the ocean from a magnitude 7 mosh pit?! …

【Hips Swinging on Their Own! Celebrating the Birthday of Motown's Hidden Mastermind Paul Riser, Sr.! A Funk-Addicted Writer Ascends to Heaven Due to Exquisite Arrangements】 Hey everybody! Are you surrendering your bodies to the funk beats tonight too? It's your funk-addicted party person, Funky Dave Monroe! I'll make a confession right off the bat: this morning in the middle of a packed rush-hour train, I was hit by the groove of the strings pouring out of my earphones and almost started busting out irregular steps to the swaying of the train. The salaryman next to me gave me a cold stare, but this is no time to care about that! Because today is the ultimate day to celebrate the birthday of Paul Riser, Sr., the legendary arranger who supported that very Motown Sound! ### Behind Every Great Track Is This Man! The Super Brain of the Funk Brothers …

[The "Too Rock for the Blues, Too Blues for the Rock" Problem—Eric Johanson Unleashes His Angry and Soulful New Album The Open Bayou] Sipping a glass of cheap whiskey in my study late at night, I sometimes find myself wondering. Why on earth are people in this world so obsessed with neatly labeling everything? "You're a bluesman," "You're a rocker," "You're just a middle-aged guy who drinks too much." That last one is a personal tragedy declared upon me just last week by the landlady of my neighborhood izakaya, but there is a man facing a similar—no, far more serious—identity crisis. That man is Eric Johanson, who channels the gritty spirit of Louisiana into his guitar. When I came across the lament he recently vented on social media, I couldn't help but slap my knee in agreement. He revealed that promoters and music industry folks have been hitting him with the exact same line for years. …

【Unreleased Early Van Halen Recordings Unearthed & Night Ranger Announce a Massive Tour! The Veterans Are Raising So Much Hell My Ears Won't Stop Ringing】 Hey, hey, hey! All you hard rock refugees out there, and all you guitar kids who aren't happy unless the amp knobs are cranked to "11"—are you alive?! It's Johnny Thunderstone, the guy whose tinnitus is a daily soundtrack, and whose wardrobe consists entirely of black band tees! I'm back today to drop a massive news bomb straight into your ears, no pedals attached! Hold onto your hearts for this one. Some absolute treasure from Van Halen is finally seeing the light of day! Plus, we've got an out-of-this-world, future-proof announcement from American hard rock's guiding light, Night Ranger! Tonight, grab a highball and get ready to headbang!! …

【Is D'Angelo's Neo-Soul DNA Exploding?! Son Michael Cast as Biggie in the Snoop Dogg Biopic! Shake Your Hips and Wait!】 Hey, hey, hey! How's it going, funk addicts across the universe?! It's your boy Funky Dave Monroe, here with my brain hacked by the bassline, running up the pedestrian overpass stairs today right on the snare hit! Whoa, whoa, wait a second. Let me tell you about the moment this massive news broke this morning, almost making me slam my freshly brewed hot coffee on my desk like a clavinet. The drumroll in my chest just won't stop! **D’Angelo**, the supreme deity of the neo-soul realm whose sticky, tangled funkness has broken the hips of tens of thousands of listeners. His very own son, **Michael D’Angelo Archer Jr.**, has somehow been cast as the legendary rapper **The Notorious B.I.G.**, a.k.a. Biggie Smalls, in the upcoming biopic *Snoop* about **Snoop Dogg**, scheduled for release next year! …

[Even After 15 Years of Absence, a Single Tremolo Makes Me Weep—The Return of Master Craftsman Buddy Miller Has Me Chugging Cheap Whiskey Again Tonight] Ice clinks against the bottom of a glass. Tonight’s sidekicks are a bottle of discount bourbon and a vacuum-tube amplifier quietly gathering dust in the corner of the room. On a night like this, incredible news dropped out of nowhere. American roots music treasure Buddy Miller has returned with a self-titled new album. What’s more, it’s his first solo release in a staggering 15 years. Fifteen years, man. Fifteen years ago, my crown still had some respectable volume to it, and that was before I became well-versed in the brand names of lower-back pain patches. A man who drifted away somewhere for all those years has returned with a face like, "I just stepped out for a quick cigarette," immediately knocking out top-tier sounds. This absurd coolness gives off the bittersweet sorrow of a fatherly lecture. …

【The doom lords Cathedral are back?! The masterpiece "The Guessing Game" is being reborn as brutally heavy and will strike in October!】 Hey to all ten million doom and sludge freaks across the country whose ears won't stop ringing, are you alive and soaking in the wall of sound?! It’s Johnny Thunderstone, the rock idiot who camps out way too close to the live house speakers and has completely ruined the hearing range of his left ear! Today I’m back at it again, cracking my cervical vertebrae while hammering away at my keyboard like it’s my sworn enemy! Now, shocking news that feels like taking a direct hit from an amp because you forgot your earplugs has just flown in from the UK. Lee Dorrian—the man who carved his name into grindcore history with Napalm Death before leading Cathedral to build the dark temple of doom metal—has made a move! It’s been decided that their massive 2010 double album, "The Guessing Game," will be dropped this coming October as a fully remixed edition titled "The Guessing Game (Rethink)"! …

【Warning: Uncontrollable Hip-Swinging Alert! R&B Heavyweight Tank Teams Up with Funk God Charlie Wilson to Blast the Dancefloor with the Ultimate Banger "Highlight"!】 Hey now, funk addicts of the galaxy, it's time to oil up those stiff knee joints right this second! Tank—the sexy capo of R&B who usually melts hearts with his sweet, honeyed bedroom vocals—has lost his mind (or perhaps received a divine revelation) and dropped a straight-up, four-on-the-floor dance jam guaranteed to scorch the dancefloor to ashes! And the sidekick he brought along is insane. We're talking house and dance music heavyweight producer MK, and none other than our living legend of funk, Uncle Charlie himself—Mr. Charlie Wilson! Honestly, this writer cranked the new track "Highlight" up to max volume on the crowded morning commute train today, and while holding onto the strap, my hips automatically started shaking in an eight-beat rhythm, earning me a double-take from the uncle sitting next to me. It's nothing short of a miracle the cops weren't called. That's how irresistibly magical this groove is!…

【Guitar Photo Exhibition That Pierces the Soul Makes a Permanent Home in Miami! Get Pierced by the Smile of Sister Rosetta Tharpe at the Gibson Gallery】 Pouring a glass of cheap bourbon in the dead of night, dropping the needle onto an old record. The scent of warm amplifier vacuum tubes and a slightly dusty blues melody—this alone should have completed a man's night. But a piece of news arriving all the way from Miami has set my nearly withered heart ablaze. The prestigious Gibson is opening a permanent art gallery inside "Gibson Garage Miami" on September 10, 2026. Titled 'Amplified: Icons Of Music Through The Lens', the inaugural exhibition will feature over 30 iconic photographs capturing music legends through the lens. Released as a symbol of this is a shot of Sister Rosetta Tharpe taken in 1957. It's a picture of her grinning ear-to-ear, cradling a Gibson SG... no, that white, three-pickup beloved machine known back then as a Les Paul Custom. Honestly, the moment I saw this photo alone in my room late at night, I accidentally dropped my glass and stained the carpet with booze. If my wife finds out, it's grounds for her yelling, "What are you doing alone in the middle of the night again?", but I'd love to drown out even that angry voice with her distortion-laced gospel blues. …

【【BREAKING】The "Witch" from the Black Sabbath Cover Drops an AI Rock Opera After 50 Years!? Autumn's Blasting Metal Frenzy News】 Hey, hey, hey! All you headbangers out there, are your ears still ringing nicely!? I'm Johnny Thunderstone, the blasting shock-trooper of JOCOLLA Music News! Today started out with that usual, perfectly healthy, rock-and-roll routine of waking up to a roar loud enough to shove my head straight into a wall of Marshall stacks, then opening the closet to find nothing but black band tees (all with the frontman's face worn down so much you can't even tell who it is). I recently bought yet another distortion pedal, only to be hit with that ice-cold family glare of, "You’ve got the exact same distortion on your board three times, you know," but this mind-blowing news straight from around the globe just blew all that domestic discord right out of the window! Open your ears wide, crank that volume knob up to 11, and listen up! …

【My hips are swinging on their own and I can't get any work done! Bathe your soul in the groove at the birthday celebration of immortal soul titan Otis Redding!】 Hey everyone, how's it going? Still diving deep into a sea of beats tonight? It's Funky Dave Monroe, your resident funk and soul groove addict! Out of nowhere, I have a confession to make. Right now, as I type on my keyboard, I'm grinding my hips intensely. The cafe staff are giving me extremely suspicious looks like, "Isn't the amplitude of that guy's fidgeting a bit abnormal?", but I can't stop. There's no way I'm stopping! That's because September 9th is the birthday of the legendary soul singer the earth is proud of—**Otis Redding**, otherwise known as "Big O"!…

[Roaring Amps and Weeping Pickings! The Night Eric Steckel's New Album 'Sandstorm' Knocked a Middle-Aged Guitarist Off His Feet] Late at night, sipping cheap bourbon, I sometimes wonder: when did the volume of the world's guitars become so "well-behaved"? Digital amps connected to headphone jacks out of fear of disturbing the neighbors. Clever simulators lined up on pedalboards. Of course they're convenient. I don't have the hobby of blasting a Marshall full stack at midnight and having the landlord call the cops on me (though if it's about the time I had to write an apology letter once, that's a different story). But we creatures addicted to the blues will have our joints dry out and squeak unless we occasionally bathe in the raw, stomach-punching roar of a real amp. There is a man who unleashed a fierce sandstorm upon just such a parched, desert-like heart. He is the American blues-rock guitarist, Eric Steckel. Released via SPV Recordings, his new album 'Sandstorm' is simply irresistible. …

[Celebrating 70 Years of the Beastly Drummer to Clapton’s Half-Century Comeback! Blasting Legends Prove That "Rock Has No Retirement"!] Hey hey hey, how’s it going with you and your best friend, the eternal distortion known as ringing ears!? It's your writer Johnny Thunderstone! Ever since my ENT doctor screamed at me to "get away from the amplifier," well over a decade has passed, and 90% of my dresser is still packed with black band tees! To all you rock kids who scream in your hearts every time you fold laundry, "They might all look the same to mom, but they're different!", are you ready?! If you flip through the calendar where the gods of heavy metal and hard rock reside, today's fierce history is getting our blood pumping all over again. Take a trip around the news and you'll see graying legends still blasting ear-splitting noise right on the front lines. Today, I'm gonna slam you with some piping-hot topics that’ll make you want to headbang until your neck bones crack! --- …

【Your Hips Will Step on Their Own! Hayley Williams Uncorks a "Treasure Trove of Groove" and Triggers a Floor-Killing Rare Track Fest on Her New Tour's Opening Night】 Hey! What's up, funk junkies and beat addicts of the universe? Still selling your soul to the bassline and busting out mysterious dance steps every time you get stuck at a red light? Well, the author here literally just experienced the internal funk halting right in front of a convenience store register, almost sending a pack of silken tofu flying onto the floor with a funky flick of the wrist! Safe! The tofu is fine! Anyway, an agitated author is currently clacking away at the keyboard in a frantic 16-beat rhythm, on the verge of fainting, because some blockbuster news just dropped! Hayley Williams, the frontwoman of Paramore and queen of all earthly steps, has gone and done it! Right on local time, she kicked off her brand-new solo tour, "The Hayley Williams Show," in Palm Beach, Florida, in glorious fashion! She breathed exquisite new life into long-sealed tracks from her past, instantly dropping a funk bomb in the form of live debuts, which is just too much to handle! …

【Haunted by the ghost of Jimmy Page, youth, gather for the 12-bar! Rozedale guitarist Charlie Fabert talks about the future of blues-rock】 Pouring a cheap bourbon into a glass late at night, I drop the needle onto an old blues record. Just listening to the "hiss" of hum noise leaking from the amp feels like it melts away a little bit of the daily sediment pooling in my stomach. The world is overflowing with fast-tempo programmed beats, but the heartbeat of this old guy beats around 70 BPM, moving only in sync with the pentatonic scale. News that smells like top-shelf smoke drifted in to me, a self-admitted dinosaur. Charlie Fabert, the talented guitarist of the French band Rozedale, appeared on "The Blues Rock Show," the flagship interview program of music media outlet Blues Rock Review, where he passionately discussed his guitar journey, his idol Jimmy Page, and the difficult challenge of "how to draw young listeners into blues-rock." A young talent worrying about the gritty future of the blues while bathing in a French breeze. Well, I guess I'll just have to refill my glass and listen closely. …

[Loud roars that make your ears rejoice, a must-listen news for all metalheads! From Spiritbox dropping a new track to the re-evaluation of Yngwie Malmsteen, all the way to pitch-black doom by former Type O Negative members, a massive earthquake!] Hey hey hey, do you have enough icing patches for your neck!? It's your resident rock-idiot writer Johnny Thunderstone! I'm sure I'm not the only one who mistook the swaying of this morning's packed train for a sign of a Wall of Death, and braced myself while gripping the strap. To all my beloved headbangers who use the high-pitched "ringing" of their tinnitus as a substitute for standard 440Hz A-note tuning, I am once again delivering top-tier news that will send adrenaline straight through your veins! --- …

[Hips That Just Won't Quit! A Deep-Groove Urgent Dispatch for All Humanity—From a Tribute to Indomitable Drum Beats to Underground Exploding Percussion] Hey-hey-hey! How are you doing, funky soulmates across the universe? It's Funky Dave Monroe! This is just your writer, who once again mindlessly started tapping out a 16-beat offbeat back-beat to the electronic "cha-la-la-la-la" chime at the supermarket self-checkout, making the clerk seriously look at me and ask, "Sir, are you okay?" Look, it's not my fault, okay? My right foot and hips just automatically start pumping out snares and ghost notes! Fresh, red-hot, unmissable news has arrived from all over the world to shake the hearts of us beat-addicts. There are moments of quiet sorrow, and moments where a wall of sound threatens to rip your head right off your shoulders. But they all share just one thing—a "beat" that makes your soul shake! So clean out your ears and let's check it out with some funk! …

[Will the floor collapse or will we go to heaven? The gritty, "living blues" soul defended by Sean “Bad” Apple] Pouring cheap bourbon down my throat late at night, I sometimes find myself wondering: where exactly did my life go wrong to turn me into this melancholy, blues-addicted old guy? Yet, out there in the world is a lovable man even more hopelessly possessed by this troublesome music than I am, someone actually running himself ragged trying to "save the blues." His name is Sean “Bad” Apple. He’s the guy who emerged from a small country town in Pennsylvania and keeps on making gritty, authentic sounds at his own joint, the Bad Apple Blues Club. ### The night the building swayed sideways—that was the place closest to heaven …

[To all you men who have dedicated your ears to full blast! Norwegian heavyweights Aura Noir announce a surprise signing with legendary Peaceville Records and a comeback album for 2027! Don't miss Islander's cry of the soul and PRESIDENT's sacred ground live show either!] Hey hey hey, are you turning your amp volume all up to 11?! I'm Johnny Thunderstone, the rock-idiot writer whose eardrums are completely screaming from the nightly livehouse crawls you all know and love! Last night, thanks to sticking my head right into a Marshall cabinet in the front row, this morning's convenience store entrance chime—you know, the FamilyMart door jingle—sounded completely like the intro to Slayer's Angel of Death. Now that's what I call a serious condition! But some top-tier heavy news that'll wipe out that ear pain in one single blow has just flown in from across the seas! Are you ready for headbanging? Put on your cervical collar and follow along closely with me!…

【The Queen of Philly Soul and Funk Is Back! Shirley Jones of The Jones Girls Drops an Autobiography and New Song That Almost Broke the Author's Back!】 Brothers and sisters of the funk, this is an emergency. Stop whatever desk work you are doing right now, stand up, and stretch your pelvis. Because the legendary lead singer of the vocal group The Jones Girls, Her Majesty Shirley Jones, has made her triumphant return, dropping a super-hot autobiography titled "Being A Jones Girl" along with a long-awaited new song! Honestly, the moment I read this news, I spun so fabulously in my office chair that I threw out my back and almost got rushed to the hospital by my coworkers. It's that serious. For groove addicts whose blood, flesh, and bones are made of funk and soul, The Jones Girls are an absolute nutritional staple, as deeply ingrained in our systems as traditional New Year's mochi soup from home. ### Sisterly Harmony and Soul History You Can't Dance to Without Tears …

【A guitar that bleeds the soul and a strike against the industry! The true essence of blues rock unleashed by Hannah Wicklund】 Drop a piece of ice into some cheap bourbon and let out a sigh. Tonight, nursing a pain in my lower back that feels like thick rice gruel, I’m searching for a record to drop the needle on. For more than half my life, I’ve been trapped in the 12-bar pentatonic scale, to the point where my wife nags me, "All your humming sounds like the exact same song." But you know what? That’s fine. Because this is the disease known as the blues. And right when this withered old man’s throat is feeling bone-dry, some thrilling news lands a fierce uppercut to wake me up. Hannah Wicklund, the powerhouse talent from South Carolina who commands an undeniable presence in the modern blues rock scene, has unleashed her fourth studio album, 'War on Women; Calling All Good Men', upon the world. ### Before the guitar cries, the human roars in anger …

[From Zeppelin's First Jam Legend to Extreme Slum Corpse Festivals! A Metal Retrospective Summit Dedicated to Blast Beat Addicts] Can't stop your ears from ringing? Bring it on, that's the heartbeat of our rock 'n' roll! What's up, headbangers across the nation. I'm Johnny Thunderstone, the explosive attack captain of JOCOLLA Music News! As usual, thanks to parking myself right in front of the amp and forgetting my earplugs, high frequencies like cicada chirps have become my lifelong best friends. I'm sitting here hammering away at my keyboard today, while straining my cervical vertebrae to the absolute limit. My life is a total failure from a societal standpoint—open my dresser and you'll find nothing but black band T-shirts (and 80% of them feature death metal logos you can't even read). But when I saw the violent and wildly enthusiastic news pouring in from all over the world, I just couldn't help screaming at my desk! …

【Hips naturally start a slow shake! The legendary Tavares brings us Butch Tavares with the ultimate silky falsetto! All soul addicts are losing their minds over the new track "Maybe Just For Love"】 Hey hey hey, brothers and sisters out there! Stop typing on your work keyboards right now and unlock your pelvises! Groove addict Funky Dave Monroe here, and the moment I listened to this track in front of the convenience store register this morning, its sheer mellowness made my knees buckle, causing me to start doing that signature slow-jam sideways sway while brilliantly clutching my iced coffee cup! Even the clerk's cold gaze of "What on earth has this guy been taking since early morning...?" no longer sounded like anything other than the sweet, open sound of a hi-hat! And for good reason. None other than Butch Tavares—the lead vocalist and choreographer of Tavares, the family group that has been rocking the world's dance floors and bedrooms for over half a century—has just dropped an exquisite solo single called "Maybe Just For Love"! …

[From Hellfire to Mother Nature? The Bizarre Madness and Melancholy of British Blues Rock Maestro Arthur Brown on His New Album Nature] Pouring myself a cheap glass of bourbon late at night and gazing listlessly at my record shelf, every now and then a piece of news comes along that sends a shiver straight down my spine. "That guy who used to scream his lungs out with a flaming helmet on his head is doing an album called Nature now...?" Honestly, I nearly dropped my glass right there in my room. Arthur Brown—the living legend of British psychedelia and British blues rock, better known as "The God Of Hellfire"—has just dropped a brand new full-length album titled Nature. …

[Are your neck bones still intact!? Slayer unleashes a legendary 40th-anniversary full-album performance of Reign In Blood, and fan-shot, ground-shaking footage has descended upon the net!] My ears won't stop ringing! Well, after a quarter-century of jamming my head directly into a wall of Marshalls in the front row of live houses, my ears were already fried to begin with, but this breaking news blasted right through my eardrums and straight into my brain! Hey thrashers, are your pain patches ready? The kings Slayer have unleashed a full-album performance commemorating the 40th anniversary of Reign In Blood—that thrash metal scripture that totally pulverized the necks of all humanity! Word is that fan-shot footage capturing that scorching scene has just hit the internet! The venue was Shakopee, Minnesota. The chaos of a mosh pit that suddenly erupted on a Friday night is spreading worldwide via fan-shot videos. Honestly, the moment the author laid eyes on this report, I was about to grip the strap on my commuter train and scream "Angel of Death!!" at the top of my lungs, completely weirding out the suit-wearing salaryman sitting next to me. I barely survived by screaming it only in my heart, but my face definitely must have had Tom Araya's full-on screaming expression.…

【Your hips will start moving on their own! The legendary synth-funk and exquisite Carole King remix incident dropped by D-Train】 Hey hey brothers & sisters, is your heart rate still getting hacked by the bassline today!? I'm Funky Dave Monroe, your groove-addicted writer! Let me make a confession right off the bat. This morning on a packed train, responding to the rich synth bass playing through my earphones, I almost instinctively busted out some razor-sharp steps. The salaryman next to me gave me a chilling look that said, "What on earth is this guy fighting against since morning?", but this is no time to care about that. Because a super killer tune by D-Train, those pioneers of 80s post-disco/electro-funk, just sparked inside my brain! The overseas media outlet "SoulTracks" was featuring a lost gem by D-Train, and it was the kind of content that aggressively pokes right at a funk lover's sweet spot with a thumb. …

【How Do You Reply to "He’s a Complete Idiot"? The Love-Hate Blues Played by Sammy Hagar and Alex Van Halen】 Swirling a glass of cheap whiskey late at night, I let out a sigh. These 70-something legends, who really ought to know the bitter and sweet of life by now, are still bickering like kids behind the schoolyard. This is rock 'n' roll—or rather, a 12-bar blues trapped in an inescapable loop of karma. Opening the news, I almost burst out laughing. Alex Van Halen, the legendary drummer who once set the world on fire with Van Halen, publicly called his former comrade and band frontman Sammy Hagar a "Complete Idiot." And none other than the "Red Rocker" himself, Sammy Hagar, fired back with a reaction that was remarkably mature (or just predictably Sammy). …

[Is AC/DC's sonic blast about to collapse the stadium!? From VAN HALEN's war of words to ANTHRAX's mystery mascot, here are 5 of this week's explosive HR/HM headline-shaking news stories!] My ears won't stop ringing! I was headbanging so hard in front of a full stack of Marshalls last night that I woke up with my neck stuck at a right angle. I'm your writer, Johnny Thunderstone! Open my closet and you'll only find black band tees (I've seriously panicked before because I had no clothes to wear to a relative's funeral). To all my fellow rock addicts out there, I'm serving up a fresh batch of ear-shattering, brain-melting news right here! Turn the volume up to 11 and read on! --- …

【My hips are aching and I can't get any work done! From Ed Sheeran's Batman nipple suit to Andy Boay's ultra-cool multi-tracked recordings, here's a rapid-fire round of mind-shaking latest news!】 Hey party people! It’s Funky Dave Monroe, and the funk gods have descended upon my waistline once again tonight, making my fingers tap on the keyboard like a slap bass thumb-smack! "An article without a groove is like flat cola—or worse, watered-down leftover oolong tea," I figure, as I dance-step to the beats blasting from my speakers while dodging the editor's collar-grab warning to "just write the damn piece already." I'll confess the truth: even this morning while gripping a strap on the commuter train, a 16-beat clavinet was looping endlessly in my head, and before I knew it, I was headbanging fiercely while shooting passionate eye contact at the salaryman next to me. It's nothing short of a miracle I wasn't reported to security. As a groove-addicted writer, I'm here to serve up a non-stop stream of the wildest topics shaking up bodies and brains across the global music scene! Is everybody ready to move that waist!? …

【The Stratocaster's Lament Resonating in a Dimly Lit British Venue! The Essence of the "Humble Guitar God," Master Robin Trower at 80 Years Old】 Pouring a glass of cheap Scotch late at night and listening to the ice clinking, I sometimes wonder. Why on earth do guitarists out there always feel the need to pull such smug, "look at me!" faces? Yet, this man is completely different. A living legend of British blues rock, Robin Trower. Making a name for himself in Procol Harum and hyped as "the second coming of Jimi Hendrix" for over half a century. Seeing the guitar god himself in a dimly lit live house in Cambridge, England, made me almost want to loosen the strings of both my heart and my wallet at the exact same time. ### A Beer-Stained Venue is the True Holy Land of the Blues …

【Who gives a damn about retirement! TWISTED SISTER teams up with Sebastian Bach & KISS drops a surprise new track in an absolute scorcher of a news drop where "80s ghosts run wild"】 My ears won't stop ringing. That's the price I pay for burying my head straight into a wall of Marshalls at the front row of live houses, but I don't regret a single millimeter of it. Hey there, I'm Johnny Thunderstone, a writer who opens his dresser to find nothing but black band tees, and who recently got seriously chewed out at a relative's funeral for showing up wearing an Iron Maiden (Iron Maiden) shirt to a formal family gathering. Today, the second I slapped on my headphones at max volume and jumped onto the train, I almost let out a booming "Wooooo!" right then and there. Come on, what in the world has happened to the planet? Has the clock's hand been rolled back by about 40 years?! Unbelievable as it is, that glam-fueled madhouse TWISTED SISTER has hit the stage at ear-splitting volume with former SKID ROW monster vocalist Sebastian Bach out front, while KISS—who supposedly wrapped up their retirement tour—have straight-up confessed to "recording a new song"! …

【My Hips Won't Stop Moving On Their Own! Burning Up Our Funk Souls for the Disco Queen Gloria Gaynor's Birthday】 Hey hey hey, funk-addicted brothers & sisters! Are those basslines pumping? Let me make a sudden confession. I'm Funky Dave Monroe, the guy who, this morning on a packed commuter train, unconsciously busted out an upbeat offbeat step to the ultimate disco beat playing from my smartphone, only to receive a chilling glare from the salaryman next to me that said, "What on earth is this guy fighting since the morning?" But I have no regrets! Because today is a special day where we've got to celebrate the birthday of disco's eternal first lady, Gloria Gaynor! ### The Goddess of Groove Descended to New Jersey on September 7, 1943! …

【Even legendary actor Morgan Freeman is hooked on the blues? The sublime sound of "adult minimalism" by Keb’ Mo’ and Ruthie Foster】 Tonight, I’m dropping a single ice cube into a glass of cheap whiskey and dropping the needle. Good evening, I’m Memphis Ray. Word on the street is that the guys from old Van Halen are screaming at each other calling each other "complete idiots," or something. Well, good for them for having so much energy. Meanwhile, just walking up to the second floor of my house is enough to make my knees start playing the blues, so I wouldn't mind if those veteran rockers shared even half of their leftover stamina with me. Still, what you really need in the second half of life isn't screaming matches; it’s the supreme "aesthetic of subtraction." And into the ears of this exhausted middle-aged man comes some deliciously tasty news from the roots music veteran outlet *No Depression*. Their best-of playlist for August 2026 has just dropped, and the blues section is looking effortlessly stylish. …

【Pray for the Big Man! Former Every Time I Die Riff Master “The Butcher” Andy Williams Collapses During a Match and Is Rushed to the Hospital! Send All Your Power from the Metal and Wrestling Worlds!!】 Oh man, oh man, oh man! While checking my phone on the way back from a live house with my ears still ringing, I let out a full-on scream of “You’ve gotta be kidding me?!” Every salaryman around me jumped and backed away in a hurry, but like I give a damn! Shocking news just dropped that our beloved titan of riffs—former Every Time I Die guitarist, current Atomic Rule member, and terrifying, super-strong heel “The Butcher” tearing it up in the pro wrestling world—collapsed during a wrestling match and was rushed to the hospital by ambulance. Now is the exact time for metalheads, hardcore kids, and pro wrestling fans all over the world to unite and send him every ounce of prayer and power we’ve got!! …

【Beat Addiction Alert】Is your lower back spontaneously laying down a snare beat!? From fakemink's ultra-concentrated smoky work to Yeat's unsettling diss track, this week's groove incident report! Hey hey hey! Funk freaks of the entire universe, how are you doing!? It’s your usual on-site field reporter for groove addiction, Funky Dave Monroe, the guy whose pelvis swings before the manuscript paper even gets touched! Let me make a full confession. Just this morning, the second I shoved my heavy bass earphones in during a packed train commute, my knees started twitching uncontrollably to a 16-beat ghost note, and the businessman next to me looked at me and asked in genuine concern, "Um, are you okay?" As if I could possibly be okay when JB (James Brown) is screaming inside my body! Well, this week too, I'm gonna deliver some hot news that'll get your chilled brain boiling with funk, right at the direct heat of the floor! ### Drown in the Smoldering Beat! fakemink's Trap Release "Love Of The Game 3 ." …

[You Can't Abandon a Pain in the Ass Friend? Kid Cudi Joining Kanye West on Stage in Chicago is the Ultimate "A Man's Blues"] On a night when the ice in your glass chinks, you sometimes find yourself wondering: why is it that the most high-maintenance friends in your life are always the hardest to cut ties with? It makes me think of an old bandmate from way back who would call dead drunk at 2 AM and yell, "Lend me some cash." The kind of guy who, by the following morning, would show up acting like nothing happened and ask, "Got a guitar string I can borrow?" Normally, you'd cut him off. But whether it's some kind of bluesman's curse or what, for some reason, you just can't abandon him. A drama of precisely that kind of "annoying yet unbreakable bond" unfolded under the night sky of Chicago, the mecca of the blues. …

【Korn Is Working on New Music & AFI Declares War on Its Own Signature Song?! Shouting Out the Too-Real Ups and Downs of the Rock World!】 Oh man, oh man! Headbangers of the world, whose cervical spines are practically screaming from too much aggressive head-nodding—are you alive out there?! It’s Johnny Thunderstone! Today, just like any other day, 95% of my closet is taken up by black band tees, and I basically have no clothes fit for a funeral or a job interview. But in the face of some explosive news, my excitement is cranked up to an 11 (maxed right out) on the amp. I was just blasting some ultra-low bass straight through my earphones on the commuter train, almost letting out a roaring "YEEAAAH!" and nearly getting a double-take from the salaryman sitting right next to me. Today, I’m bringing you a whole batch of face-melting, excitement-inducing rock news that'll instantly make you want to go out and buy a brand-new fuzz pedal for your pedalboard! …

【【Happy Birthday】The one and only husky groove! A waist-shaking, funk-soaked celebration night for Macy Gray's birthday!】 Hey hey hey! Funk addicts of the universe, are you fueling up on three bowls of white rice to the bassline today too!? I'm Funky Dave Monroe, the groove attack squad leader for JOCOLLA Music News! Close that Excel spreadsheet right now and check your hip bearings. Because September 6th is the birthday of our supreme smoky queen, Macy Gray! Happy birthday, Sister Macy! The only thing left to do is chug a whole glass of funk groove as a celebratory toast! I'll make a clean confession. This morning, while brushing my teeth to her absolute classic "I Try," my body reacted on its own to that one-of-a-kind raspy voice and the soothing off-beat. Before I knew it, I was laying down a perfect 16-beat with my right-hand toothbrush, busting out a fierce solo facing the bathroom mirror with a mouth full of foam. I was this close to shattering the mirror...! This is the severe groove addiction symptom that Macy Gray causes. …

【Can the Cry of a Soul Be Brought Out With a Prompt? A Night of an Old Fart Sips Cheap Booze Amidst the Mary J. Blige Unauthorized AI Ad Controversy】 The curtain of night falls, and a sphere of cheap whiskey ice clinks against the bottom of a glass. As always, it’s Memphis Ray here. Today too, I’ve fired up my worn-out amplifier and am chewing over the bittersweet blues of life. Now, let me ask you out there in front of the screen. Do you think a machine can sing of "human pain"? Lately, the folks in Silicon Valley have been unanimously holding forth on the future of music, boasting that masterpieces can be born with the push of a single button. But just the other day, a curious incident rolled in that threw cold water on all that high-tech arrogance. "Suno," the darling of generative music AI, dropped an ad online featuring none other than the Queen of Soul, Mary J. Blige—only for it to come out that they hadn't gotten her permission at all, forcing them to hurriedly yank the ad down.…

【Are your schedules for next year already booked!? Germany's metal festival Summer Breeze 2027 achieves an unprecedented lightning-fast sellout! Plus, good news from Chilean thrashers Demoniac and shouting out Freddie's 80th birthday!】 Hey hey, hasn't your neck been screaming from headbanging too hard!? Ear won't stop ringing? That's normal, don't worry about it at all! I'm Johnny Thunderstone, a hardcore rock idiot writer who believes the amp volume knob should always be cranked to 11, and whose closet only holds black band tees! While digging through heavy news from around the world today, a topic popped up that made me grab a canned beer and yell, "Are you kidding me?!" Listen up, metalheads, take a deep breath. Even though the autumn breeze has barely started blowing, the world is already going crazy talking about "next summer"! ### Isn't it way too early!? Summer Breeze 2027 shockingly sells out all dates in early September! …

【Lower Back Pain Warning: FKJ's Supreme New Track "I Want U" Is Dangerously Overdosed on Groove! Are the Spines of All Mankind Screaming for the September 11 Release of the New Album *Tyber*!?】 Hey, hey, hey, funk addicts, are you all still alive out there?! It's your boy Funky Dave Monroe, the guy whose lower back starts grinding in a 16-beat the moment a bassline drops, even before his hands can hit the keyboard! Put on your headphones right now and make sure there's nothing breakable around you. Vincent Fenton, the modern musical mastermind born in France known as FKJ (French Kiwi Juice), just dropped an insane new track called "I Want U"! Let me make a confession. I first listened to this track this morning during my cramped, packed-train commute, and within just three seconds of the intro, my knees started shaking and waving, and I almost instinctively grabbed the hanging strap like a slap bass so hard that the salaryman next to me gave me a double take. I was this close to having to explain myself at the station master's office, saying, "I'm sorry, I just couldn't stop the funk."…

【Great news for the antacid generation who waited 11 years! Alabama Shakes unleash "I Must Be Dreaming" and a soul-shaking full comeback】 Sipping cheap bourbon in the dead of night, I sometimes think about how nothing in this world is less reliable than a casual "wait a moment." An izakaya's "coming right up" means a 20-minute wait, and a fed-up lover's "I'll call you later" means a final goodbye. But when it comes to Alabama Shakes, the miracle band born in the southern state of Alabama, telling us to "hold on," you are legally permitted to cry tears of relief that you waited. After all, their new album "I Must Be Dreaming" is a full 11 years in the making since their last one. 11 years, man. 11 years ago, my receding hairline was still holding the front lines, and I didn't need to reach for antacids the morning after eating greasy ramen at midnight. Yet even with all that time passing, their flame of soul and blues hasn't gone out—it's returned as a raging inferno. ### Not a nostalgic high school reunion, but a serious "Chapter Two" …

[No way she can play it blind... Wait, she totally nailed it! Check out this mind-blowing footage of popular drummer Brooke Colucci taking on a Testament thrash classic!] Hey-hey-hey, what's up, thrashers and volume freaks?! It's your friendly neighborhood veteran rock idiot whose tinnitus is basically his theme song, Johnny Thunderstone! If you open my closet, 98% of it is black band tees, and I literally just wore one with a TESTAMENT logo to a family gathering and got seriously chewed out by my mom, but hey, details! Drumeo, the drum platform blowing up YouTube right now, just dropped an absolute heater! Brooke Colucci, a drum influencer boasting insane skills in the rock and metal realms, has touched down on Drumeo's famous "For The First Time" series!…

【Your hips are moving in slow motion whether you like it! 2 Chainz × Cash Cobain × Young Nudy drop the ultimate soulful new track "Reign," causing US dance floors to literally melt】 Hey hey hey, party people of the world! Put down that desk work right now and unlock your pelvis! We’ve got a killer trio that sounds less like "do not mix" and more like "we mixed it and created the ultimate BBQ sauce": Atlanta’s comedic monster 2 Chainz, New York’s sexy drill pioneer Cash Cobain, and Atlanta trap’s anomaly Young Nudy! They just dropped a new track called "Reign"… and let me tell you, it is striking the funky center deep inside our brains and causing absolute chaos! ### Pelvises are melting! The ultimate slow-mo groove reminiscent of that classic "Slow Jamz" …

【【A Smoking Miracle】Kenny Wayne Shepherd and 90-Something Living Legend Bobby Rush Are Making a Second Album Against All Odds! A Hot Night for Blues Addicts】 Late at night, swirling a glass of cheap whiskey, I sometimes find myself wondering. Why is it that men can never seem to escape a simple 12-bar chord progression once they're drawn in? There’s no answer. But tonight brings some big news so sweet it makes even the melting ice in the glass feel precious. According to 'Blues Rock Review', modern blues-rock standard-bearer Kenny Wayne Shepherd and active-duty legend Bobby Rush are hard at work putting the finishing touches on a "second album" under a joint billing. …