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[Hips That Just Won't Quit! A Deep-Groove Urgent Dispatch for All Humanity—From a Tribute to Indomitable Drum Beats to Underground Exploding Percussion] Hey-hey-hey! How are you doing, funky soulmates across the universe? It's Funky Dave Monroe! This is just your writer, who once again mindlessly started tapping out a 16-beat offbeat back-beat to the electronic "cha-la-la-la-la" chime at the supermarket self-checkout, making the clerk seriously look at me and ask, "Sir, are you okay?" Look, it's not my fault, okay? My right foot and hips just automatically start pumping out snares and ghost notes! Fresh, red-hot, unmissable news has arrived from all over the world to shake the hearts of us beat-addicts. There are moments of quiet sorrow, and moments where a wall of sound threatens to rip your head right off your shoulders. But they all share just one thing—a "beat" that makes your soul shake! So clean out your ears and let's check it out with some funk! …