【Will the Sanctuary Unsealing Break Your Lower Back!? Groove Addicts Swoon as Branford Marsalis and Dianne Reeves Take on Coltrane’s Timeless Masterpiece Reinterpretation!】 Hey, hey, hey! Funky people of the universe, are you keeping your lower bodies moving to the 16-beat today too?! It’s Funky Dave Monroe, proud holder of the title "The Guy Whose Knees Snap Before Writing a Draft" for JOCOLLA Music News! Let me make a full confession. This morning, the exact moment I checked this news on a packed rush-hour train, my pelvis spontaneously started syncopating. While gripping the strap, I busted out a brilliant air-slap-bass performance, prompting the salaryman next to me to offer the entirely reasonable warning, "Um... your elbow is hitting me!" But you’ve got to forgive me—the runaway drive of music love is simply the destiny of a groove addict! Now, I’m about to drop the earth-shattering news that just wrecked my cervical vertebrae! Saxophone master Branford Marsalis has teamed up with vocalist of supreme elegance Dianne Reeves to drop their latest release, *Supreme Love*, a reimagining of the massive 1963 masterpiece *John Coltrane and Johnny Hartman*—and if that isn't a major incident, nothing is! …

【The punk pioneer playing gritty blues in leopard print — Cheetah Chrome's 1984 record of detours and heartache】 Cheap whiskey clinks softly against ice in a glass. When twilight hits and you find yourself in the mood for tunes, you don't want a freshly polished success story. You want the bittersweet footprints of guys who got caked in mud and sprinted full speed in completely the wrong direction. Today we're looking at an untold chapter starring Cheetah Chrome, famed guitarist of the legendary American punk band Dead Boys. The signature "Weirdo Wednesday" feature by US music media outlet Glide Magazine has unearthed a delightfully endearing, and slightly awkward, piece of live footage from 1984. It’s a record of the era when this guy, who left a permanent scar on the history of punk, inexplicably threw himself into the bluesy hard rock of the pre-glam metal days. …

【From Dani Filth's dangerously wild memoir to Abbath cancelling all shows! A thunderous roundup of turbulent metal news!】 Hey hey hey, are you turning your amp volume up to 11?! I'm Johnny Thunderstone, the guy who shoved his head a bit too close to the speaker in the front row of a live house and got asked with a completely straight face by the ENT doctor, "Are you doing construction work inside your ears, kid?" Opening my closet to find nothing but black band T-shirts (which, to make matters worse, all have tour dates printed on the back so I can't wear them to weddings or funerals) is just an everyday occurrence for me, but this week's metal world is serving up developments even more chaotic and fiercely passionate than that pitch-black wardrobe. Let's deliver the soul-shaking latest info all in one go! --- …

[The man carrying "Funk" in his name, fish narc, drops a new song "Big Dumb World"! Ride the wave of exquisite alternative pop that will make your lower back itch!] Hey everybody, how's it going!? As always, it's your groove-addicted man Funky Dave Monroe, the guy for whom even the typing sound of the keyboard writing this manuscript sounds like a 16-beat slap bass! Today, per usual, I was digging through music sources all over the world in search of a beat when an incredible guy dropped an exquisite track. His name is fish narc! Wait a minute, do you know his real name? It's none other than "Ben Funkhouser". "Funk" is right there in his name...!? A man practically guaranteed a groove on a genetic level has dropped yet another killer tune that won't let our feet stop! ### A gorgeous step from SoundCloud rapper to distorted guitar craftsman! …

[20 years later, that effortless laid-back groove is back! Old blues lovers are shaking their glasses night after night at the news that Eric Clapton & J.J. Cale's masterpiece "The Road to Escondido" is getting an expanded reissue] Pouring cheap bourbon into a glass late at night and listening to the ice clink, there are nights when you get an overwhelming yearning for company. Well, to be precise, it's that extremely selfish kind of night unique to single middle-aged men: "I can't be bothered dealing with actual people, but I want to bathe in the sound of someone plucking a guitar." Into that parched throat came news that acts like the ultimate, exquisite remedy. Word has it that "The Road to Escondido," the 2006 collaborative masterpiece by Eric Clapton and the late, legendary laid-back artisan J.J. Cale, will be released in November via Bushbranch/Surfdog Records as "The Road to Escondido: Enhanced Edition" to celebrate its 20th anniversary. Honestly, the moment I saw this news flash on my smartphone screen in my cramped living room, I let out an involuntary mutter of "Oh come on, you've got to be kidding..." and earned a cold stare from my pet cat. Twenty years ago, I still had a little bit of dark hair left and some baseless hope for the future. Time flies faster than a 12-bar blues, and it's enough to make you dizzy. …

[The guy who used to throw raw meat is unearthing history! The insane tour opener where W.A.S.P. even dug up ultra-rare tracks from their precursor band Sister, plus the latest earth-shaking news from the metal world] Oh man, oh man, the ringing in my ears won't stop! I’m Johnny Thunderstone, a rock idiot whose hearing range in his left ear has been completely obliterated from sticking his head right up against a Marshall amp in live houses! Today of all days, the inside of my washing machine is strictly black band T-shirts. Wearing faded black jeans while getting icy glares from my wife who says, "All your clothes look exactly the same," I'm headbanging to blast beats while hammering away at my keyboard! So, metalheads around the world, have you done your neck stretches? This week in the hard rock and heavy metal scene, big news that makes you want to shout at the top of your lungs and shocking news that makes you drop to your knees have hit at the exact same time. Crank your heart rate up to 200 BPM and try to keep up!…

[Hips Automatically Swinging Alert Issued! Funk Addicts Go Wild Over Jad Tariq's New Vintage R&B Track and Terri Green & Castella's Exquisite Al Jarreau Cover] Hey hey hey, all 30 million groove addicts across the country, how are you doing?! Still nodding your heads back and forth unconsciously to the bassline like cheerful folks today? It's your writer, Funky Dave Monroe! Let me confess honestly. This morning, right in the middle of a packed train, my hips started involuntarily laying down a 16-beat groove to the bass flowing from my earphones, earning me a look from the salaryman next to me that said, "Is this guy in the middle of some kind of ritual?" But I couldn't stop, and there was no way I was going to! Because right now, some top-notch soul and funky new tunes are violently shaking our souls! ### Memphis-Born Jad Tariq Strikes Back with Exploding Swing and Sex Appeal! First up, ready to get hyped, is news about the Memphis-based guitarist and vocalist Jad Tariq! His new song "Half Measures" has just premiered, and let me tell you, it is irresistible! It’s thrillingly like jump blues, swing-soaked R&B, and the flashy swagger unique to big bands are all having a massive brawl in a single room! …

【Are Top-Tier Cake and the Blues Baked at the Same Temperature? A Night My Soul Got Scorched by Jovin Webb's New Release 'Son Of A Sinner'】 Late at night, as the cheap whiskey in my glass melts its ice and waters down completely, there are sounds that make you desperately want to drop the needle. Yes, I'm talking about gritty, heated, authentic blues that blows away all pretentious overthinking. Tonight, what's rising around my beat-up turntable is the scent of the humid Louisiana breeze. Good news has just arrived, and a sigh slips past my loosened lips. Jovin Webb, the soul man born in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, has dropped his album 'Son Of A Sinner'. Isn't that just the best title? Putting up a sign like 'Son of a Sinner' so boldly that it makes you feel awkward about going to church on Sunday morning. ### "Supreme Sound" Baked with an Exquisite Recipe …

【The moment machines gained a heartbeat! Former FEAR FACTORY frontman Burton C. Bell passionately spills the beans on the "warmth" of the masterpiece 'Obsolete'! A massive U-turn from cold cyber to raw human emotion】 Hey there, hey there, hey there! How are you doing, all ten million of you industrial metal-addicted bastards out there?! I'm Johnny Thunderstone, the rock-obsessed writer whose right ear has a permanent high-pitched ringing from taking too many sonic blasts, and whose closet only contains black band tees! The moment I looked at the news feed on my smartphone during my morning commute, I almost ripped the strap handle right off and roared, "RIPLEEEEEEEY!!" Cold stares from the surrounding salarymen? Compared to the cold, merciless drum trigger sounds carved out by '90s FEAR FACTORY, that stuff is just like a gentle spring breeze! Now, onto the main event. Burton C. Bell, the cyber metal titan whose name is etched into metal history and former frontman of FEAR FACTORY, passionately spilled the beans on the behind-the-scenes creation of the band's timeless 1998 milestone album 'Obsolete' in an interview with web media 'Eonmusic'! …

【Your hips will step and won't stop dancing! RAYE jacks London with her real sister Amma & Absolutely?! A super euphoric groove "Joy." MV issues a dance floor emergency for all mankind!】 Hey there, you! Stop that boring clicking sound you're listening to right now and ride this beat with me! Groove addict Funky Dave Monroe is writing to you after using a train strap as a slap bass replacement for some air slap-bass practice on the rush hour train this morning, giving the salaryman next to me a cold sweat! Why did I commit such a huge blunder? There's only one reason. That RAYE dropped some insanely good, hip-shaking, top-tier vibes! …