【If a Horse Has 8 Legs, Does the Riff Get 8x Faster?! The Night My Neck Screamed at AMON AMARTH’s Blazing New Track "Eight Legs Of Thunder"】 Hey, hey, hey, metalheads of the world, have you stretched your necks yet?! It’s your resident rock idiot Johnny Thunderstone, whose semicircular canals were completely obliterated 30 years ago after diving into the front row of a gig without earplugs! I made the mistake of listening to this new track on my morning commute, and I almost ripped off the subway strap and roared "HAIL ODIN!!" at the top of my lungs. I was *this* close to being escorted off the train by station staff at the next stop. Our reigning kings of Viking metal, AMON AMARTH, just unleashed an insane music video for their brand-new track, "Eight Legs Of Thunder"! …

【[BREAKING] Funk Legend Sandra St. Victor Returns After Over a Decade! New Album Eleven Announced to Forcefully Shake All Humanity's Hips】 Hey, hey, hey! What's good, funky brothers and sisters across the universe?! It’s your groove-addicted writer, Funky Dave Monroe, typing away at my keyboard while my knees and neck bounce so hard on the offbeat that my screen is violently shaking! Just when our souls were bone-dry from a severe funk deficiency, a colossal, top-tier groove bomb just got dropped on us! None other than legendary vocalist **Sandra St. Victor** has dropped a bombshell announcement: her highly anticipated solo album, **Eleven**, her first in over 10 years!…

Even Old Dudes with Bad Backs Will Dance? Surrender to The Animeros' Wild Masterpiece 『¡Qué Bárbaro!』, Unleashed by Dan Auerbach Pour some cheap bourbon into a glass and drop the needle. Late at night, all you ever really want is a gritty groove that gently soothes a worn-out soul. "Hey Ray, aren't you supposed to be crying over 12-bar Delta blues tonight?" You can almost hear someone asking, but tonight of all nights, you just have to put down your glass and get on your feet. That's because modern blues-rock's patron saint, Dan Auerbach (The Black Keys), has dropped an insanely hot, spellbinding bomb right out of his Nashville studio, Easy Eye Sound. …

Ministry and Apocalyptica Running Wild at a Free Fest is Pure Madness! Colombia's "Rock al Parque" 30th Anniversary is Absolutely Insane The ringing in my ears is a daily thing, but seeing this news just completely blew my mind. Hold on to your hats, folks—an utterly insane festival of sonic destruction is about to go down on the other side of the planet! "Rock al Parque," the massive rock festival held in Colombia's capital of Bogotá, is celebrating its 30th anniversary this year. And when I saw the lineup announcement, I nearly slammed the guitar cable in my hand straight onto the floor. The kings of industrial metal, **Ministry**, sharing the stage with Finland's cello-distorting, Metallica-shredding madmen, **Apocalyptica**... are you kidding me?! And believe it or not, this festival is **completely free**! ### What Happens When You Get Blasted by Ministry for Free? …

Queen of Funk Chaka Khan Tears Up COLORS! How the Monster Groove in Her New Song "Curious Subject" Completely Blew My Hips Out Hey, hey, hey, party people across the entire galaxy! Put on your headphones right now and crank that volume all the way up to MAX! The living legend of funk herself, Queen Chaka Khan, has made an electrifying comeback to the wildly popular studio live platform COLORS! Pulling up with her brand-new track "Curious Subject", her powerhouse vocals and unreal vibes made me spit out my coffee in my room, nearly dropping onto the hardwood floor to start breakdancing on the spot! --- …

Three Monster Texas Guitars! Texas Headhunters' New Single "Bigshot" Calls for a Night of Cheap Booze Ice clinks in a glass of cheap whiskey late into the night. Right on cue, a slice of top-shelf blues rock arrives to instantly transform the room into a dusty Texas highway. It’s "Bigshot," the brand-new track dropped by the Texas Headhunters—a powerhouse trio formed by three of the Lone Star State's most renowned guitar slingers: Ian Moore, Johnny Moeller, and Jesse Dayton. Honestly, just seeing those three names lined up side by side is enough to make a seasoned old guy like me down three bowls of rice... or rather, three straight shots of bourbon. ### A "Big Shot" Born from Overpass Graffiti …

Hip Surgery Won't Stop the Tour?! From Maynard's Iron Will to the Dream Team-up of Iommi & Brian May, Rock's Undying Legends Are on Fire! Hey, hey, hey! All you headbangers across the nation with your ears still ringing—are you still breathing?! It's Johnny Thunderstone, the blast-beat correspondent for JOCOLLA Music News! Just yesterday, I cranked my Marshall amp at home up to "11" and started ripping on my guitar, only to have my next-door neighbor kick the wall with the force of a double-bass drum! But listen, an avalanche of megaton-level news just crashed in from the global rock scene, blowing trivial everyday nonsense like that clean out of the water! Clean out your ears, sit down right in front of your speakers, and listen up! …

Hips snapping on their own! THAO drops new single "Catch As Catch Can" feat. Neko Case, sending our funk-loving brains into full meltdown with hype for comeback album Show Me! Hey everybody, how's it going?! It’s your boy Funky Dave Monroe—the guy who ditches all work the second the music hits to chase the bassline, and does little side-steps while holding the commuter train strap until the person next to me does a double take! Just today, I was using my desk as a drum kit at the office when my boss literally pleaded, "Please, I'm begging you, just do your paperwork quietly." But that lecture went in one ear and right out the other, because some mind-blowing news just landed. Calling all party people who love a soulful, edgy groove: clean out your ears and start warming up those hips right now! --- …

Don't Drown Your Sorrows in Whiskey, Let Them Ring Out: Sera Cahoone Returns After Eight Years of Silence and Loss with Soulful Blues-Americana Sipping cheap bourbon late at night, a thought often crosses the mind: why does life always take away what matters most, in such cruel order? Losing loose change from your wallet is one thing, but losing your father, your best friend, and even your beloved dog all around the same time? Whoever is writing the script upstairs must be a total sadist. But a true musician doesn’t just take it lying down and weep. Instead of smashing the glass, they grab a guitar and head for the mountains. Seattle-based singer-songwriter Sera Cahoone. Her new album, I’ve Missed You All These Years, released via the prestigious Sub Pop, is a true gem that sublimates life’s deepest quagmires into gorgeous melodies. …

Death Metal Roars at Miss World!? From Mastodon's Epic Masterpiece to Soulfly's Heart-Pumping Cover, This Week's Heavy Scene Is So Packed My Neck Is About to Snap! Tinnitus is a rocker's badge of honor! Hey everyone, it's Johnny Thunderstone, happily abusing my eardrums again today! Quick question: what comes to mind when you hear "talent show at a beauty pageant"? A flawless piano performance? Traditional dance? Graceful singing? ...Think again! The gods of heavy metal just effortlessly smashed that lukewarm common sense to pieces! Fresh off having my ears battered directly by an amplifier, I'm bringing you the finest thunderous news echoing across the globe at MAX energy! Are you ready to headbang on your morning commute and freak out the person sitting next to you!?…