【My hips are aching and I can't get any work done! From Ed Sheeran's Batman nipple suit to Andy Boay's ultra-cool multi-tracked recordings, here's a rapid-fire round of mind-shaking latest news!】 Hey party people! It’s Funky Dave Monroe, and the funk gods have descended upon my waistline once again tonight, making my fingers tap on the keyboard like a slap bass thumb-smack! "An article without a groove is like flat cola—or worse, watered-down leftover oolong tea," I figure, as I dance-step to the beats blasting from my speakers while dodging the editor's collar-grab warning to "just write the damn piece already." I'll confess the truth: even this morning while gripping a strap on the commuter train, a 16-beat clavinet was looping endlessly in my head, and before I knew it, I was headbanging fiercely while shooting passionate eye contact at the salaryman next to me. It's nothing short of a miracle I wasn't reported to security. As a groove-addicted writer, I'm here to serve up a non-stop stream of the wildest topics shaking up bodies and brains across the global music scene! Is everybody ready to move that waist!? …

【The Stratocaster's Lament Resonating in a Dimly Lit British Venue! The Essence of the "Humble Guitar God," Master Robin Trower at 80 Years Old】 Pouring a glass of cheap Scotch late at night and listening to the ice clinking, I sometimes wonder. Why on earth do guitarists out there always feel the need to pull such smug, "look at me!" faces? Yet, this man is completely different. A living legend of British blues rock, Robin Trower. Making a name for himself in Procol Harum and hyped as "the second coming of Jimi Hendrix" for over half a century. Seeing the guitar god himself in a dimly lit live house in Cambridge, England, made me almost want to loosen the strings of both my heart and my wallet at the exact same time. ### A Beer-Stained Venue is the True Holy Land of the Blues …

【Who gives a damn about retirement! TWISTED SISTER teams up with Sebastian Bach & KISS drops a surprise new track in an absolute scorcher of a news drop where "80s ghosts run wild"】 My ears won't stop ringing. That's the price I pay for burying my head straight into a wall of Marshalls at the front row of live houses, but I don't regret a single millimeter of it. Hey there, I'm Johnny Thunderstone, a writer who opens his dresser to find nothing but black band tees, and who recently got seriously chewed out at a relative's funeral for showing up wearing an Iron Maiden (Iron Maiden) shirt to a formal family gathering. Today, the second I slapped on my headphones at max volume and jumped onto the train, I almost let out a booming "Wooooo!" right then and there. Come on, what in the world has happened to the planet? Has the clock's hand been rolled back by about 40 years?! Unbelievable as it is, that glam-fueled madhouse TWISTED SISTER has hit the stage at ear-splitting volume with former SKID ROW monster vocalist Sebastian Bach out front, while KISS—who supposedly wrapped up their retirement tour—have straight-up confessed to "recording a new song"! …

【My Hips Won't Stop Moving On Their Own! Burning Up Our Funk Souls for the Disco Queen Gloria Gaynor's Birthday】 Hey hey hey, funk-addicted brothers & sisters! Are those basslines pumping? Let me make a sudden confession. I'm Funky Dave Monroe, the guy who, this morning on a packed commuter train, unconsciously busted out an upbeat offbeat step to the ultimate disco beat playing from my smartphone, only to receive a chilling glare from the salaryman next to me that said, "What on earth is this guy fighting since the morning?" But I have no regrets! Because today is a special day where we've got to celebrate the birthday of disco's eternal first lady, Gloria Gaynor! ### The Goddess of Groove Descended to New Jersey on September 7, 1943! …

【Even legendary actor Morgan Freeman is hooked on the blues? The sublime sound of "adult minimalism" by Keb’ Mo’ and Ruthie Foster】 Tonight, I’m dropping a single ice cube into a glass of cheap whiskey and dropping the needle. Good evening, I’m Memphis Ray. Word on the street is that the guys from old Van Halen are screaming at each other calling each other "complete idiots," or something. Well, good for them for having so much energy. Meanwhile, just walking up to the second floor of my house is enough to make my knees start playing the blues, so I wouldn't mind if those veteran rockers shared even half of their leftover stamina with me. Still, what you really need in the second half of life isn't screaming matches; it’s the supreme "aesthetic of subtraction." And into the ears of this exhausted middle-aged man comes some deliciously tasty news from the roots music veteran outlet *No Depression*. Their best-of playlist for August 2026 has just dropped, and the blues section is looking effortlessly stylish. …

【Pray for the Big Man! Former Every Time I Die Riff Master “The Butcher” Andy Williams Collapses During a Match and Is Rushed to the Hospital! Send All Your Power from the Metal and Wrestling Worlds!!】 Oh man, oh man, oh man! While checking my phone on the way back from a live house with my ears still ringing, I let out a full-on scream of “You’ve gotta be kidding me?!” Every salaryman around me jumped and backed away in a hurry, but like I give a damn! Shocking news just dropped that our beloved titan of riffs—former Every Time I Die guitarist, current Atomic Rule member, and terrifying, super-strong heel “The Butcher” tearing it up in the pro wrestling world—collapsed during a wrestling match and was rushed to the hospital by ambulance. Now is the exact time for metalheads, hardcore kids, and pro wrestling fans all over the world to unite and send him every ounce of prayer and power we’ve got!! …

【Beat Addiction Alert】Is your lower back spontaneously laying down a snare beat!? From fakemink's ultra-concentrated smoky work to Yeat's unsettling diss track, this week's groove incident report! Hey hey hey! Funk freaks of the entire universe, how are you doing!? It’s your usual on-site field reporter for groove addiction, Funky Dave Monroe, the guy whose pelvis swings before the manuscript paper even gets touched! Let me make a full confession. Just this morning, the second I shoved my heavy bass earphones in during a packed train commute, my knees started twitching uncontrollably to a 16-beat ghost note, and the businessman next to me looked at me and asked in genuine concern, "Um, are you okay?" As if I could possibly be okay when JB (James Brown) is screaming inside my body! Well, this week too, I'm gonna deliver some hot news that'll get your chilled brain boiling with funk, right at the direct heat of the floor! ### Drown in the Smoldering Beat! fakemink's Trap Release "Love Of The Game 3 ." …

[You Can't Abandon a Pain in the Ass Friend? Kid Cudi Joining Kanye West on Stage in Chicago is the Ultimate "A Man's Blues"] On a night when the ice in your glass chinks, you sometimes find yourself wondering: why is it that the most high-maintenance friends in your life are always the hardest to cut ties with? It makes me think of an old bandmate from way back who would call dead drunk at 2 AM and yell, "Lend me some cash." The kind of guy who, by the following morning, would show up acting like nothing happened and ask, "Got a guitar string I can borrow?" Normally, you'd cut him off. But whether it's some kind of bluesman's curse or what, for some reason, you just can't abandon him. A drama of precisely that kind of "annoying yet unbreakable bond" unfolded under the night sky of Chicago, the mecca of the blues. …

【Korn Is Working on New Music & AFI Declares War on Its Own Signature Song?! Shouting Out the Too-Real Ups and Downs of the Rock World!】 Oh man, oh man! Headbangers of the world, whose cervical spines are practically screaming from too much aggressive head-nodding—are you alive out there?! It’s Johnny Thunderstone! Today, just like any other day, 95% of my closet is taken up by black band tees, and I basically have no clothes fit for a funeral or a job interview. But in the face of some explosive news, my excitement is cranked up to an 11 (maxed right out) on the amp. I was just blasting some ultra-low bass straight through my earphones on the commuter train, almost letting out a roaring "YEEAAAH!" and nearly getting a double-take from the salaryman sitting right next to me. Today, I’m bringing you a whole batch of face-melting, excitement-inducing rock news that'll instantly make you want to go out and buy a brand-new fuzz pedal for your pedalboard! …

【【Happy Birthday】The one and only husky groove! A waist-shaking, funk-soaked celebration night for Macy Gray's birthday!】 Hey hey hey! Funk addicts of the universe, are you fueling up on three bowls of white rice to the bassline today too!? I'm Funky Dave Monroe, the groove attack squad leader for JOCOLLA Music News! Close that Excel spreadsheet right now and check your hip bearings. Because September 6th is the birthday of our supreme smoky queen, Macy Gray! Happy birthday, Sister Macy! The only thing left to do is chug a whole glass of funk groove as a celebratory toast! I'll make a clean confession. This morning, while brushing my teeth to her absolute classic "I Try," my body reacted on its own to that one-of-a-kind raspy voice and the soothing off-beat. Before I knew it, I was laying down a perfect 16-beat with my right-hand toothbrush, busting out a fierce solo facing the bathroom mirror with a mouth full of foam. I was this close to shattering the mirror...! This is the severe groove addiction symptom that Macy Gray causes. …