[To all you men who have dedicated your ears to full blast! Norwegian heavyweights Aura Noir announce a surprise signing with legendary Peaceville Records and a comeback album for 2027! Don't miss Islander's cry of the soul and PRESIDENT's sacred ground live show either!] Hey hey hey, are you turning your amp volume all up to 11?! I'm Johnny Thunderstone, the rock-idiot writer whose eardrums are completely screaming from the nightly livehouse crawls you all know and love! Last night, thanks to sticking my head right into a Marshall cabinet in the front row, this morning's convenience store entrance chime—you know, the FamilyMart door jingle—sounded completely like the intro to Slayer's Angel of Death. Now that's what I call a serious condition! But some top-tier heavy news that'll wipe out that ear pain in one single blow has just flown in from across the seas! Are you ready for headbanging? Put on your cervical collar and follow along closely with me!…

【The Queen of Philly Soul and Funk Is Back! Shirley Jones of The Jones Girls Drops an Autobiography and New Song That Almost Broke the Author's Back!】 Brothers and sisters of the funk, this is an emergency. Stop whatever desk work you are doing right now, stand up, and stretch your pelvis. Because the legendary lead singer of the vocal group The Jones Girls, Her Majesty Shirley Jones, has made her triumphant return, dropping a super-hot autobiography titled "Being A Jones Girl" along with a long-awaited new song! Honestly, the moment I read this news, I spun so fabulously in my office chair that I threw out my back and almost got rushed to the hospital by my coworkers. It's that serious. For groove addicts whose blood, flesh, and bones are made of funk and soul, The Jones Girls are an absolute nutritional staple, as deeply ingrained in our systems as traditional New Year's mochi soup from home. ### Sisterly Harmony and Soul History You Can't Dance to Without Tears …

【A guitar that bleeds the soul and a strike against the industry! The true essence of blues rock unleashed by Hannah Wicklund】 Drop a piece of ice into some cheap bourbon and let out a sigh. Tonight, nursing a pain in my lower back that feels like thick rice gruel, I’m searching for a record to drop the needle on. For more than half my life, I’ve been trapped in the 12-bar pentatonic scale, to the point where my wife nags me, "All your humming sounds like the exact same song." But you know what? That’s fine. Because this is the disease known as the blues. And right when this withered old man’s throat is feeling bone-dry, some thrilling news lands a fierce uppercut to wake me up. Hannah Wicklund, the powerhouse talent from South Carolina who commands an undeniable presence in the modern blues rock scene, has unleashed her fourth studio album, 'War on Women; Calling All Good Men', upon the world. ### Before the guitar cries, the human roars in anger …

[From Zeppelin's First Jam Legend to Extreme Slum Corpse Festivals! A Metal Retrospective Summit Dedicated to Blast Beat Addicts] Can't stop your ears from ringing? Bring it on, that's the heartbeat of our rock 'n' roll! What's up, headbangers across the nation. I'm Johnny Thunderstone, the explosive attack captain of JOCOLLA Music News! As usual, thanks to parking myself right in front of the amp and forgetting my earplugs, high frequencies like cicada chirps have become my lifelong best friends. I'm sitting here hammering away at my keyboard today, while straining my cervical vertebrae to the absolute limit. My life is a total failure from a societal standpoint—open my dresser and you'll find nothing but black band T-shirts (and 80% of them feature death metal logos you can't even read). But when I saw the violent and wildly enthusiastic news pouring in from all over the world, I just couldn't help screaming at my desk! …

【Hips naturally start a slow shake! The legendary Tavares brings us Butch Tavares with the ultimate silky falsetto! All soul addicts are losing their minds over the new track "Maybe Just For Love"】 Hey hey hey, brothers and sisters out there! Stop typing on your work keyboards right now and unlock your pelvises! Groove addict Funky Dave Monroe here, and the moment I listened to this track in front of the convenience store register this morning, its sheer mellowness made my knees buckle, causing me to start doing that signature slow-jam sideways sway while brilliantly clutching my iced coffee cup! Even the clerk's cold gaze of "What on earth has this guy been taking since early morning...?" no longer sounded like anything other than the sweet, open sound of a hi-hat! And for good reason. None other than Butch Tavares—the lead vocalist and choreographer of Tavares, the family group that has been rocking the world's dance floors and bedrooms for over half a century—has just dropped an exquisite solo single called "Maybe Just For Love"! …

[From Hellfire to Mother Nature? The Bizarre Madness and Melancholy of British Blues Rock Maestro Arthur Brown on His New Album Nature] Pouring myself a cheap glass of bourbon late at night and gazing listlessly at my record shelf, every now and then a piece of news comes along that sends a shiver straight down my spine. "That guy who used to scream his lungs out with a flaming helmet on his head is doing an album called Nature now...?" Honestly, I nearly dropped my glass right there in my room. Arthur Brown—the living legend of British psychedelia and British blues rock, better known as "The God Of Hellfire"—has just dropped a brand new full-length album titled Nature. …

[Are your neck bones still intact!? Slayer unleashes a legendary 40th-anniversary full-album performance of Reign In Blood, and fan-shot, ground-shaking footage has descended upon the net!] My ears won't stop ringing! Well, after a quarter-century of jamming my head directly into a wall of Marshalls in the front row of live houses, my ears were already fried to begin with, but this breaking news blasted right through my eardrums and straight into my brain! Hey thrashers, are your pain patches ready? The kings Slayer have unleashed a full-album performance commemorating the 40th anniversary of Reign In Blood—that thrash metal scripture that totally pulverized the necks of all humanity! Word is that fan-shot footage capturing that scorching scene has just hit the internet! The venue was Shakopee, Minnesota. The chaos of a mosh pit that suddenly erupted on a Friday night is spreading worldwide via fan-shot videos. Honestly, the moment the author laid eyes on this report, I was about to grip the strap on my commuter train and scream "Angel of Death!!" at the top of my lungs, completely weirding out the suit-wearing salaryman sitting next to me. I barely survived by screaming it only in my heart, but my face definitely must have had Tom Araya's full-on screaming expression.…

【Your hips will start moving on their own! The legendary synth-funk and exquisite Carole King remix incident dropped by D-Train】 Hey hey brothers & sisters, is your heart rate still getting hacked by the bassline today!? I'm Funky Dave Monroe, your groove-addicted writer! Let me make a confession right off the bat. This morning on a packed train, responding to the rich synth bass playing through my earphones, I almost instinctively busted out some razor-sharp steps. The salaryman next to me gave me a chilling look that said, "What on earth is this guy fighting against since morning?", but this is no time to care about that. Because a super killer tune by D-Train, those pioneers of 80s post-disco/electro-funk, just sparked inside my brain! The overseas media outlet "SoulTracks" was featuring a lost gem by D-Train, and it was the kind of content that aggressively pokes right at a funk lover's sweet spot with a thumb. …

【How Do You Reply to "He’s a Complete Idiot"? The Love-Hate Blues Played by Sammy Hagar and Alex Van Halen】 Swirling a glass of cheap whiskey late at night, I let out a sigh. These 70-something legends, who really ought to know the bitter and sweet of life by now, are still bickering like kids behind the schoolyard. This is rock 'n' roll—or rather, a 12-bar blues trapped in an inescapable loop of karma. Opening the news, I almost burst out laughing. Alex Van Halen, the legendary drummer who once set the world on fire with Van Halen, publicly called his former comrade and band frontman Sammy Hagar a "Complete Idiot." And none other than the "Red Rocker" himself, Sammy Hagar, fired back with a reaction that was remarkably mature (or just predictably Sammy). …

[Is AC/DC's sonic blast about to collapse the stadium!? From VAN HALEN's war of words to ANTHRAX's mystery mascot, here are 5 of this week's explosive HR/HM headline-shaking news stories!] My ears won't stop ringing! I was headbanging so hard in front of a full stack of Marshalls last night that I woke up with my neck stuck at a right angle. I'm your writer, Johnny Thunderstone! Open my closet and you'll only find black band tees (I've seriously panicked before because I had no clothes to wear to a relative's funeral). To all my fellow rock addicts out there, I'm serving up a fresh batch of ear-shattering, brain-melting news right here! Turn the volume up to 11 and read on! --- …